Scene: local small grocery store

guy--mid-thirties, maybe. Jeans, tee-shirt. Actually pretty cute.
me--mid-forties. Work-out clothes of sagging cut-off sweats and baggy tee-shirt, complete with sweat and sweaty uncombed hair, hideous bright red-stage poison ivy on both arms.

Brief friendly discussion about fruits and veggies and rain. He stares at my arm for a minute.

guy: That poison ivy? It looks itchy. [he doesn't point, but he doesn't need to.]
me: It's actually much better now. Unbelievable, huh. [wipes sweat from forehead on short sleeve, realizes how gross this is, quickly turns away to haul up three gallons of milk]
guy: Wow, you're strong.
me: yah but smell isn't everything.
guy: [actually laughs. Heartily.] So you wanna go next door for coffee or something? I'll buy.
me: I have to get to work and pick up some kids. Thanks, though. That's really, um, nice of you. Um, right! bye! [practically runs to the front of the store]

I wish L was around to help me analyze situation. She's a psychologist so she'd help me figure out:
-What the hell drugs was he on?
-Why did it take me until he laughed at my lame joke** to understand that he was trying to pick me up? Am I that out of the social interaction schtick?
-What do you call someone who has a fetish for rashes?

** actually it's my husband's lame joke, in that he always responds to that remark with that comment. Always, always. If he doesn't, I worry.
Other autoresponses for him:
But if you comb your hair right, it won't show.
I know you are but what am I.


  1. Is that poison ivy? Looks itchy.

    Wow! Great pickup line! Now, if I can only manage to find a chick with poison ivy, I'm in, baby!

    Sorry. Just spent three hours watching The Wedding Crashers with my son (Stop. Rewind. Explain joke. Rewind again so he can understand the joke this time. Rewind again, now that he thinks it really is funny.) and I'm feeling remarkably shallow.

    But you go, girl. You still got it.

  2. actually the pick up line probably had to do with the huge size of strawberries. We'd talked for a couple of minutes before the rash came up, as it were.

    I got something, but what is it?

  3. I got something, but what is it?

    Take it from another redhead who once got a marriage proposal from her doctor while he was in the middle of her post-op knee exam: you'll never know.


  4. Trying to stop giggling long enough to visualize this from the male POV. All I can think is that he saw you were (1) healthy, (2) having strawberries with your meal,(3) quite possibly adventurous - maybe you got that poison ivy by a roll in the, (4) he was trying to get his weekend lined up for fun, (5) he has good taste in women.

    There really IS something sexy, I'm told, about a long-haired smartass with strawberries & an itch that can't (or shouldn't) be scratched.

  5. The three gallons of milk wasn't a tip off that you had children at home?

    Guess he has a thing for mommies.

  6. Suisan, Milk does strange things to men. I once got a very unsettling proposition whilst breastfeeding a baby.


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