My Writing Day with an Unproductive Brain

My coworkers hear it all the time
 and are profoundly uninterested
me: Okay, this isn't going to work. I have these characters drinking tea again. They need to do something else immediately. These words are chopped. Two hundred gone. And let's see, the confrontation is coming up soon. Any suggestions?

also me: Oh. My. God. Why bother? No one reads your books. No one thinks they're anything more than adequate. You can't seem to change your style to fit what people want. You're old news. OLD. NEWS. Stale old voice. There's no point in writing yet another book that no one will wants--

me: How about if they finally talk instead of just hinting around? Yeah, and maybe that guy will say what's been on his mind since chapter two.

also me: Jesus. So boring. Talk, talk, talk. You know that your--

me: How about if they--

also me: --you know your books are worthless because people want conflict and angst. They don't want to read another book with so little at stake.

me: Good point for once. Let's get some conflict with an actual meanie for a change. I have his motivation and--

also me: Why aren't you listening to me? there is no point in doing this anymore. You have dozens of books out, no one reads them, you lame, sad lil creature.

me: Uh huh. We do this every few months. Get it alllll out. Juuuuuuust finish up the whining so I can back to the story. I really need all of me to figure out why these people aren't--

also me: Don't you get it? YOU WILL NEVER BE A SUCCESS. You sort of were but that bus dropped you off and the route is shut down and--

me: Yup, got it.

also me: Why the hell are you still bothering with this nonsense? Why don't you go do something useful in the world before you're too old and gaga?

me:  Right. I don't have time for this. Maybe I'll make them drink coffee instead of tea in this scene. And some little cakes.

also me: We're hungry.


  1. "Of all fatiguing, futile, empty trades, the worst, I suppose, is writing about writing." -Hilaire Belloc (and @writingreader on twitter)

  2. I can identify with this strongly. :gentle hugs: Cakes might not be a bad idea.

  3. Write your memoirs, bet that stirs up some controversy. Don't say your life is boring, there ain't nothin' that's boring about you Kate! Get involved with a train strike of some kind, and try convincing your man that it's the right thing to do, you want to change the world. Try getting stuck in one of those train failures happening everyday in New York. Or crash a train in Buenos Aires. Make a mystery on a train. Forget the cake, it will slow down your thinking. Simple carbs, once on your lips, lose your brain and forever on your hips. Uh Oh, cliches do work from time to time. NO?


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