Posts

Showing posts from April, 2008

filed under: Way Too Meta

I thought my kid was playing a multi-player game online but no, he is watching a video of a video game in which some players were griefing other players.

Little cartoony guys are running around with big guns and yelling at each other. The voices are provided by the annoyed griefed (or would it be grieving?) guys. Lots of "get out of the way, faggot!" Although there is an amusing bit when they argue about bile. Liver, ya moron. Not the spleen.

Apparently it is very funny. Here, You too can enjoy hours of fun watching people pretending to be characters pretending to kill for fun. **Makes the fishing channel look almost real.

__________
**although I guess that's the basic idea of sitting around and watching say, Good Fellas or MacBeth. . .

Today's post

I'm over at Samhain, patting romance writers on the back. It was supposed to be more of a "shhh, shhh it's fine. See? It's all going to be good because we're actually fine peeps." sort of a pat rather than a "rah!rah! we're great!" thump on the back.

But the second one works.

In other news,
allergies are making me into a cartoon character of sneezing. ah AH AHHHHHHchoo.

I don't want to hear about or from Rev. Wright. He's not running for preznit. Ditto Rev. Hagee. Or, if we must hear from these guys, at least give them equal time to fill our televisions with wrothy rant-age, because frankly, I think Hagee's ideas contain even more of the Crazy than Wright's and that means a higher entertainment factor. (Or higher insomnia omigodwhoGAVEthesepeopleaplatform factor, depending on the mood)

OmiGod part II. I just realized that from now on, when MSM needs a Black Perspective on any current event, they're going to haul Rev. Wright onto…

Happy Birthday, Bettie Sharpe!

I'd say go wish her many happy returnsbut she's not visiting her own blog that often.

Unlike Bettie, I'm all over the interwebs. I'm in the middle of a tricky bit of a story (any second the whole story is going to collapse like like a souffle and turn into rubbery-egg goop) That's my excuse reason for so much bloggery.

You can tell my imaginary world is making me nuts--I'm taking stalling to a new level by sending out email links to this creepy bizarreness that I love. Alan didn't win so you see? The dog got it.

Wait! Hey! Bettie, that's a birthday gift for you.
UPDATED: And this one's even stranger.

Make your own card here. Or not.

boy two would like to point out that sometimes

he calls me Marge. (What I'm called came up in another post) And he can fence, almost, so do NOT cross that boy. He has an epeeeeee of his own.

Omigod, Corn Dog is RIGHT

These things are impossible to read. Thanks for saving them. Buggerall, I can't seem to load the verification words.
Well. Take our word it. They're ridiculous and horrible. I can''t read them to save my miserable life or my miserable comments.

whiny question

So how long does a DTaP innoculation hurt? That link says only a few days. . . but sheesh, it's been a few days and owwie (and my family doesn't want to hear it any more). Revenge for all those times I didn't give my infants pain-killer after their vaccines, poor punkins.

the answer is

YEW KHAN!

He never actually decided, at least not the way I think of deciding. The hold-your-place money's due in a couple of days** so I said, "hey kid, I'm writing a check to Uconn." And he said, "fine, okay," in a thoroughly indifferent voice.

A few minutes later I came back into the room where he was reading. "I changed my mind. I'm writing a check to Colby."
He actually looked up from his book and said, "No! no, don't."
I said, "Okay. Then I'll write it to Brandeis."
He shook his head.
"William and Mary? No? I think Colga--"
He sighed. "Just stop."

So. That did it. He's been celebrating and says he has a sense of relief since then, and he did make a real list of reasons to go to Uconn. (1. Boat-load of friends enrolled at Uconn)

Anyway I think it's a good thing. Just having something new to fret and/or nag about will be good.

Next?

_______
**and for most places you have to mail it. Have you ev…
I'm over at TEB, patting ourselves on the back for a job beeeautifully-done. Lisabea's finale is magnificent, deserving of a standing ovation. It's all so ...so....lovely.

That standing ovation line reminds me of all the school concerts where the audience all stand up and applaud until their hands hurt--just after the teachers point out that without us amazing parents we'd never have gotten to hear this amazing music.

We are so achingly clever, we kill ourselves with joy.

* * *

Speaking of death, no, the boy still hasn't decided which school. A couple more days of indecision and voila! The decision will be made for him because it'll be too late. I've taken to repeating to myself that there are worse things than getting a job instead of going to college right after high school.

My husband, who goes out running every morning before the crack of dawn, got home this morning at six am and I woke to hear him on the front porch (open window weather. Ahhhhhh) talking…

13 sort of talents thursday thirteen

You guys ever do this? Imagine what you'd say if someone held a gun to your head and demanded you justify your existence? No? I think I've done something like this before but that's tough. Dull, too. Again, tough.

1. make bread. I do good loafs.

2. Spin and knit. I don't any more but I can.

3. make jam

4. ignore dust

5. lat-pull 60 lbs.

6. run 3 miles (this one is new! Yay!)
6a slowly
6b very slowly. And maybe walking a half block or so.7. recite the lyrics to that Joni Mitchell album someone left in my first apartment. When they were little, my kids loved that song about My analyst told me I was right out of my head. . . Also I got some great WOBBLY songs and Cornell fight songs from my mother. Also the Whiffenpoof song.

8. shout REALLY loud at dinner. My kids can hear me a half block away. All the way to the Flanders.

9. uh oh. I'm running out of talents. OH! Draw any formation of pork-based food. I taught so many illiterate Muslims over the years I learned to draw the …

vote for my neph's video

Image
I guess you gotta go here to cast your vote.And I'm sorry if you like other videos better or if you don't like Obama or you don't want to get on some mailing list. That's just too bad. Vote for Alan or the dog gets it.

Look at the dog. You don't want anything to happen to her, do you?

I didn't think so...

sad and sadder

I was very excited and had to share with someone. And while I was trying to demonstrate to my kids how the fab new vacuum cleaner really sucks, I realized I was channeling a very old sit com. And then I was trying to explain Mary Hartman and her waxy build-up to them. It only ended when they patted me on the shoulder and reassured me it all sounded just. . . just great.

Sigh.

ATTENTION ANDREW!

If you don't decide which college you're going to -- and decide very soon, I will keel you. Dead. No school choice necessary at least.

Yo. A least answer the simple questions like "what kind of criteria you using to decide?" or "what do you want for dinner?"

There, does that work? It's in my blog therefore it must be true. Dead.

chapter five TUTGBBMCSMB

broken sobbing alert continues. This state of starry-eyed blubbering is usually only reached after three fruity alcoholic beverages.

Ann Aguirre has it. This is the best. She's won. God, this book brings tears to my eyes it's so so so. . . Oh. Lordy. Tumperkin, Carolyn Jean, Carrie, Ann. You are all....Oh. Shit... it's all so beautiful. I was THERE. I was PART OF GENIUS. Oh. OH. Ohhhhh.

Now that your nipples and heart are on full turgid alert, go read.
Chapter one is at Tumperkin’s.
Chapter two is at Carolyn Jean’s.
Chapter three is at HERE! My Place!
Chapter four is at Carrie Lofty’s.
Chapter five is at Ann's. (see above)
Chapter six (and the finale!) will be at Lisabea’s.

Links etc lifted directly from Ann's blog. I'm still too verklempt to busy myself with links and trivialities.

oh please, I'm sorry

I'm not much of a housekeeper. That's not the habit that's annoying me lately. It's that I tend to apologize when someone walks in the door. Hey, until that person comes in, I don't really notice the scum of dust, the stack of paper. So the apology is automatic. Oh dang, look at this place. I'm sorry!

I'm trying not to do that any more. I want to get out of the habit of feeling I owe the world sparkling surfaces and am a bad person for not providing them.

So now you're warned: if you come to my house, you probably get a welcome, an offer of coffee (good coffee, too) and the use of a chair that won't make your clothes dirty. The bathrooms are often okay because I hate gross bathrooms. The kitchen is usually clean because I like clean kitchens. Otherwise. Oh, dear. Oops.

This whole APOLOGIZING for a lack of action that's not really owed to anyone is silly.

Here's another thing I'm not so good at-----promo. Hey, I've done some, but I&…

OH this is entertainment

it's worthy of PBW! A real resource. find the easter eggs in a book. (I found this looking for a reference for Doug's latest creative............effort .....and so I left that link up).

No idea of the eggs are real, but I do like that kind of fun.

UPDATED: okay now that I've had a chance to look around, I admit the site isn't much. Yet. But the potential of silly trivia is grand.

Books I Won't Be Buying category

My Beautiful Mommy. Ugh.
I'd say hat tip to Bill of Portland Maine but I really didn't want to know this book existed, so a hearty beer belch in his direction instead.

chapter four TUTGBBMCSMB

Yay! IT's UP AT LAST! Lovely Salome/Carrie Lofty's place.
I'd put up the appropriate list of all the chapters but Tumperkin's done that already.

In fact this great novel is all over the interwebs like the latest writer scandal, only with fewer comments. Thank god for that fewer comment point, eh? I mean seriously, the recent scandal is turning into a case of bunny stew calling the kettle obsessive boiled bunny ...never mind.

UPDATED TO ADD: I hadn't read Carrie's chapter--I had to post at once so I'd be on the cutting edge. Now I have read it.... and whoa! baby, that's some powerful magnificent prose, y'all.

interactive play time

Yeah, yeah, it's politics. But it's a lot of fun spending play money here. I like the idea of buying an IPod, a Hanes classic 6-pack of socks and a new national power grid, a secret island fortress, and still have money for a few thousand Hannah Montana anti-static pink hairbrushes.

Television

Anyone else watch Hustle? We've become addicted and I think we're going to run out soon. We're definitely done with the stuff available at the local library and imdb tells me that there aren't many after that.

I don't understand why British television doesn't take a series all the way to the bitter end. It's just like The Office (the one set in Slough--a place I've visited more than once and yes, I know just how cool that makes me). They made a few seasons and then Ricky Gervais decided okay, they're done with that story. What's with the grand old tradition of grinding out episodes until the ratings and writing go into the toilet? Sheesh. Although ....are the Archers still out there on the radio?

chapter three TUTGBBMCSMB

Image
ta da!
The Unfeasibly Tall Greek Billionaire's Blackmailed Martyr-Complex Secretary Mistress Bride
You'll want to read chapter one andchapter two

Before you read my entry, a warning: I'm determined to win as many points as possible based on Tumperkin's system.

one point for every time:
- Molly indulges her martyr complex
- Nico mentions his belief that Molly's a whore
- Nico cuts Molly off mid-sentence
- You make a reference to the global hummus industry

ten points for every time you use one of the following phrases
- To her consternation, Molly's nipples hardened
- What was the point? Nico never believed her!
- He came, roaring his pleasure

Here are my instructions from the TUTGBBMCSMB Home Office:
Chapter three-the squicky first-sex chapter: be liberal with the cliches; should (if possible) include one of those weird internal hymens that romance heroines have.

You see? Not a lot of space for that plot schmlot stuff (I don't know how Carolyn Jean managed to squeeze in t…

I don't have time to write the blog

I have to get my TUTGBBMCSMB done.

Chapters one and two are online, and breathless fans are waiting for the big sex scene. Considering how quickly Nic roared in chapter two t's just a good thing I've only got 750 words.

No, I am wrong.

Difficult work lies ahead of me. How I can work in the phrases lovecream, purple helmeted warrior of love, heaving mounds of creamy delicious she-flesh with these restrictions? Especially if I want to beat Carolyn Jean's excellent roaring, nipple hardening chapter points.

Lucia Won't Survive the Internet

Anyone else read those E.F. Benson books?

Lucia was larger-than-life. She exaggerated, stole ideas (never objects, unless you consider a guru or psychic medium objects), claimed acquaintances as dear friends (social climbing as an art form), was full of opinions that she broadcasted as facts--and nearly all of them were utter rot. The woman was self aggrandizing in a way that makes Chris Matthews look modest. Yet you end up rooting for her because she was magnificent.

Anyway, a woman like her can't last in the internet age because emails and posts catch up with her. Memories can be twisted--beautifully, too, in a uniquely creative manner that make you want to applaud -- but not actual words with her name attached to them.

Seriously, it's sort of sad. (I suppose there's an emphasis required on the "sort of.")

whoa, dude

Way back in the dawn of time when I was 22, courting my husband-to-be, we got into an argument. I walked away from him into another room, but it was to stop myself, not show him I could leave him any old time. I left to calm down. It was the first time I'd done that with anyone and it was the right thing to do or I would have said something unforgivable. It became a pattern that works for us. Eventually we'll have a discussion but the immediate insult is swallowed.

I'd rather walk away for ten minutes, an hour -- some amount of time -- than let loose with an insult that might cause harm. Hey, sometimes when we fight we've shouted shut up or fuck you. Over twenty-something years, that's pretty good. Nothing horribly hurtful or directed at trying to destroy the other person. Even in heat, we tend to keep in mind that there is going to be life beyond this fight. No scorched earth policy.

Before that I would let it all hang out. I was young...IMMATURE. Plus I was with pe…

SBD- fun writing stuff

I'm finishing a book and am trying to get to the end with all bits tied up without being boring. I'm going back in earlier in the manuscript and resolving some stuff. No point in letting those loose ends dangle or get tied all at once. Kind of like a back-story dump, only at the back of the story.

But the writing I'm really excited about? Chapter three. Granted Tumperkin's done my plotting for me but it is a category so the plotting was truly done ages ago. The comforting appeal of the predictable book. Tied up ends for sure. Tied up beginnings and middles too. Kinky. Unfeasibly. And there will be a love nubbin.

Speaking of fluff entertainment, I watched The She Devillast night. The Fay Weldon book is way tougher and meaner. I kinda like the HEA for everyone, including the Bad Evil Mary Fisher and Ex-Husband, in the movie. Not something I'd want to pay money to see, but it helped me run my treadmillian miles happily.

I hope Beth's new job lets her do SBD. Maybe…

an interview with me

I do love query tracker. If you're trying to find an agent, it rocks. Patrick updates his information almost before the agents do themselves. Not an exaggeration, some of those agency websites list agents who have moved on. Not Patrick.

Anyway, he likes to interview the people who find agents through his site. It's interesting how his questions focus on one book. Here's my interview.

the list.....which should he pick?

Here're the schools my kid got into:
UConn, Colby, Colgate, William and Mary, Brandeis.

Ask him which he wants to attend. Go on, I dare you. Naw, no fair--he's not going to snarl I don't effing know at you. He's polite to strangers. In fact he might even take advice from 'em.

So go ahead and give him advice and recommendations. I'm waiting. Operators are standing by.

(and if you say UConn, I say yes, I'm with you, good idea. Five years at UConn equals about 1 year anywhere else. Doesn't that seem reason enough to pick it if you don't have a serious preference? No?)

Brave New World that Has No Such People Really In It.

why bother with real life when you can do it with yer fingers? An explanation of Second Life.

I'm all cranky and shit about our techno-world life because of a major retail chain I'll call Smears. I wanted to call someone up, order a garbage disposal and have them bring the damn thing to our house and put it in. Seems pretty easy, eh? I don't want the stinkin' computer for this so I pick up the phone.

Here are highlights of the seven phone calls:

Chipper computer voice: Which department do you want. For a listing of possible departments please say listing.
me yelling: A person!
CCV: Okay, Appliances.
MY: No, no, a human.
CCV: I'm sorry. I didn't get that. Do you want large appliances, such as stoves and refrigerators?

I hang up after CCV tries to convince me that I should do this online and I should hold for an operator. I know their operators aren't local.

Phone Call #2:
I'm at the part where CCV is telling me para el español, diga el español, when the dog trot…

tchah, you people!

Image
So there's a dumb little blog where a woman named for a Groucho Marx character wrote some short entries that add up to 'ebooks are stupid!' and everyone went to visit her and blast her and go all Eeeiiii.

THREE, count 'em, THREE writers' loops I belong to said omigod, go read her and blast her!

I did and now I say, jeepers why'd I click on that link? Hey, I'll bet that blogger is the one who instructed some poor excitable writer to go read and get outraged and spread the news.

Yo, stop going over there, you silly outrageees! Stay here! Read all about neuroses and cheetos. blast me! Or spend more time at Balls and Walnuts where youI can win valuable prizez (thanks, Doug).

If you do want to get the blood pressure shooting into the stratosphere, go read Karen or Jesus General or ferfe or someone else, anyone else, who's got an ounce o' brainy fun with their outrageous and/or strongly expressed opinions. Evidence of some brain pwr, people--look for it w…

Animals in the Newz!

Beware Prissy Pants. She's There, watching

Now Cheetos are on my list.

I have a list of products I won't buy because their advertising campaigns are so obnoxious or unpleasant or stupid or....Does one need a reason?

Prissy Pants** comes out when I see ads that mock teachers, parents or the little old lady who looks out her window. The neighborhood watch lady who calls the police? I want her watching. I would pay to have her watching.

And librarians. God help me, I might actually send a letter if I see another librarian getting the mocketty-mock ad treatment.

I spend minutes at a time composing letters to the manufacturers in my head. Do you really think making mom and dad look like assholes is going to get mom and dad to buy your stupid cereal? Don't you know we're sitting next to our kids watching Cap'n SweetCrunchees put one over on the adults?

I'm not Lazlo Toth and I don't send the letters, but they're there, deep in my Prissy Pants Soul and you idiots who sell stuff should keep in mind that us perim…