More Prizes for SBD
PBW's are really just perfect and deserve an award of their own, but this is a fun exercise.
The Golden Potato--for the reader who, with wikipedia on the screen and the book in her hand, pores over a historical romance to hunt down the most obscure anachronisms so she can write a ten paragraph Amazon review of the book showing off her knowledge.
The I. L. Black Award--for the writer who puts the most mind-boggling anachronisms and language into her historical romance.
The Fruity Breasts Bowl--the most creative use of fruits and veggies in erotic body descriptions. Plum penises and peach boobs entries are disqualified. Also no cucumbers.
Mirroring The Masters Blue Ribbons--not exactly plagiarism. I mean look at this entry which is not really my idea. Sure PBW did it better, but we always can use more awards. Another for instance--one person can't possibly supply the world with all the black leather-wearing, blood-sucking, emotionally troubled undead books it needs.
But let's make up our own details shall we?
The Regency with the Rake and the blonde who quoted poetry--the moment in which blondie came out with the the line of poetry to stop the rake from kissing her. . .well, let's just say the author should have at least picked different stanza from Heyer's Venetia who quoted the same line of poetry to stop Damerel. See, if she'd picked an entirely different poet or poem, maybe she could be a shoe-in for this prize. Not quite an exact copy. Oops. That's more of a rant than an award.
Cup of Tea Award-- for the reviewer who starts out a negative review about, say, a Paranormal Scottish Historical with the line "I hate paranormal Scottish Historicals." NOTE: Maili is disqualified. She is too clever in her analysis of Scottish historicals and furthermore, it's the goal of many readers to torture the woman by luring her into trying new titles.
Platinum Axe Genre Buster Award-- for the masochistic reviewer who pretends to be neutral on the subject and who never outwardly admits how much she hates secret baby romances and yet insists on reviewing every one she can get her hands on. Pretty easy to spot. She's the one howling Why! Oh. Lord. Why didn't she goddamn tell him about the goddamn baby? in every review.
The Golden Potato--for the reader who, with wikipedia on the screen and the book in her hand, pores over a historical romance to hunt down the most obscure anachronisms so she can write a ten paragraph Amazon review of the book showing off her knowledge.
The I. L. Black Award--for the writer who puts the most mind-boggling anachronisms and language into her historical romance.
The Fruity Breasts Bowl--the most creative use of fruits and veggies in erotic body descriptions. Plum penises and peach boobs entries are disqualified. Also no cucumbers.
Mirroring The Masters Blue Ribbons--not exactly plagiarism. I mean look at this entry which is not really my idea. Sure PBW did it better, but we always can use more awards. Another for instance--one person can't possibly supply the world with all the black leather-wearing, blood-sucking, emotionally troubled undead books it needs.
But let's make up our own details shall we?
The Regency with the Rake and the blonde who quoted poetry--the moment in which blondie came out with the the line of poetry to stop the rake from kissing her. . .well, let's just say the author should have at least picked different stanza from Heyer's Venetia who quoted the same line of poetry to stop Damerel. See, if she'd picked an entirely different poet or poem, maybe she could be a shoe-in for this prize. Not quite an exact copy. Oops. That's more of a rant than an award.
Cup of Tea Award-- for the reviewer who starts out a negative review about, say, a Paranormal Scottish Historical with the line "I hate paranormal Scottish Historicals." NOTE: Maili is disqualified. She is too clever in her analysis of Scottish historicals and furthermore, it's the goal of many readers to torture the woman by luring her into trying new titles.
Platinum Axe Genre Buster Award-- for the masochistic reviewer who pretends to be neutral on the subject and who never outwardly admits how much she hates secret baby romances and yet insists on reviewing every one she can get her hands on. Pretty easy to spot. She's the one howling Why! Oh. Lord. Why didn't she goddamn tell him about the goddamn baby? in every review.
The Golden Potato vs The I. L. Black Award: I tend only to notice particular mistakes if I happened to research that topic for my own project. For example, my gripe about cell theory: I had thought to mention something about a feeling that went all the way down to the cells, the very fibre of their beings, but then I wondered if that was time-period appropriate. Looked it up. Nope. So now it glares at me when I find it in other books, mostly because I HAD WANTED TO SAY THAT TOO but denied myself for the sake of accuracy :)
ReplyDeleteBut to go out of the way to gripe at folks? That just seems time consuming and petty, and for that - sure, they deserve an award!