Thursday Thirteen--things about SAM WINSTON

I'll be back in a bit to post pictures and whatnot. Got Things to Do first. Done

Thirteen Things You'd Never Guess About Sam (Dude. I might have guessed #1, except the part about Jimmy Conners.)
by Sam Winston...who lives in an elegant house in France, which doesn't seem fair to the rest of us, but I don't see her feeling bad about it.

1) She can understand pig Latin, so watch what you're saying in front of her. One night, during a dinner, Jimmy Conners was talking in pig Latin to his friend, and they were talking about the girl sitting in front of them. But instead of letting them incriminate themselves like any smart cookie would have done, she stopped them right away with a glare and a 'Ithaguykithaganithagundithastandyithagoo." She also added "Jithagerk", which is why she's probably not married to a tennis pro now and looking like a sun-wrinkled prune.

2) She can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, and once fell asleep during a photo shoot - the photographer didn't realize it because she was wearing sun glasses. She needs a good seven hours sleep a night, or she's a zombie.

3) She's good at breaking into houses because she's always leaving her keys behind. So far, she's climbed over roofs, into windows, up ladders, and onto balconies to get back home. She can also pick locks, jimmy windows, get into locked cars, and hotwire engines. All this because she has no brain when it comes to keys. However, she's a genius at losing them...

4) She can lie about just about anything, making up the wildest stories. Her husband and kids know this, so explanations about the circus losing all its elephants on the main road to explain her tardiness fall on deaf ears. She loves to tease the telemarketers when she has the time, and she never answers a survey truthfully if she can possibly help it.

5) Professionally she has worked as a maid, a pizza hawker, a sales girl, a waitress (for two nights) a model, an artist, a writer, a journalist, a substitute teacher, an English tutor, and a translator. She's also groomed and exercised horses, babysat dogs, and helped out with the wine making when she lived in Bordeaux. (Well, she worked on the conveyer belt like 'I Love Lucy', separating the grapes from the leaves, sticks, stones, and mice.)

6) She's not at all afraid of snakes or mice, or rats, or most creepy crawly things. But spiders make her scream.

7) When she was a kid, she would only eat peanut butter and red beans. Now she eats everything and anything, so when her kids were born finicky eaters, she just shrugged and said 'They'll grow out of it,' which they did. She's also a darn good cook, but she hates cleaning up the kitchen afterwards. In fact, housework is not her thing.

8) She collects the French rugby man calendars. OK, maybe you could guess that. But she keeps the old editions in her bookcase and plans to frame them some day - when she's old and gray and in the nursing home. She figures she'll get more visits that way.

9) When she was in school, she was on the gymanstics team. But she hurt her back in a dive off a high diving board and had to keep still (no running, bending, or twisting around) for over a year. She was so poor, she could't afford to go to a doctor. But, seeing as how incompetant the doctors were in St; Thomas, it probably saved her back. It's fine now. She keeps it in shape with yoga.

10) When she was a kid, she was very shy. She grew out of it when she had her own kids and she had to stand up for them.

Her real name is Jennifer Macaire, and Jennifer writes kids books (as well as non erotic books for adults, BTW) , so you can understand the need to keep Sam and Jennifer apart. Her husband thinks Sam is cooler than Jennifer. Most people do, actually. Samantha is wild and wears short skirts, high heels, and red lipstick. Jennifer is a jeans and tee-shirt gal. Sam hates to cook and would rather go out to eat. Luckily for the family budget, Sam is restricted to the computer for writing her erotic books, and she is never allowed to use the credit card.

11) She can play the guitar, the flute, and the piano. She can also play golf. And she likes to play mah jongg and bridge.

12) Her husband taught her how to drive and how to play bridge. She's pretty sure that after that, nothing can tear them apart.

13) She's dyslexic and ambidexterous, and she hates filling out the letter codes at the end of blog posts - it usually takes her three tries. She can't remember phone numbers, and even gets her own wrong most of the time. She has a cell phone but never uses it. She doesn't like telephones, but loves getting e-mails, and she can argue for hours about politics with anyone on any side of any political party. In her last life, she was an anarchist. Now, she's just an iconoclast.

Hmmm. That cover, says Kate, thoughtfully rubbing a muttonchop Errrr, Ummm. ... I wonder if Bam or SBTB has seen it.

Go to Sam's website and find all of her covers and books and whatnot. And you might as well visit her blog that occasionally features polo pony photos and a garden to die for.

I think this week's theme of Kate's Envy (next week we'll feature Sloth or Greed. Yay!) includes Sam's Garden.

UPDATED: Omigawd! I just opened my copy of Zombie Jack (I haven't read it yet) and here's the first paragraph:

Chapter One
Rainy Days and Mondays

His arm fell off, again. The first time it happened, he’d been holding a heavy suitcase. The suitcase hit the ground with a loud thump, his hand still gripping it. He hadn’t felt any pain. After all, he was dead. Two seconds after his arm fell off for the first time, a woman noticed and let out a horrified scream. Without thinking, he grabbed his arm, first having to pry his fingers off the suitcase, and fled.

Now that's a Worthy of Amie First Paragraph. You can read more here. I can't read the rest because I have work to do, dammit. But I'm dying to know [heh. "dying to know" zombie humor] how she'll make this guy hot, when he's already cold. Yo, if people can make bloodsucking vampires sexxxxxxy. . why not?

another update: Ah. He doesn't remain a limb-dropping zombie through the whole book. Oh well. So much for any "keep the tip" jokes.


updated X 5: ***
What about poor Jennifer? I asked. So she changed her TT to squeeze in another name.


  1. Anonymous9:46 AM

    Elegant house? Well, if you think ancient plumbing and even older electricity, and drafts that are like breezes coming in through window frames and doors are elegant, then I guess it's elegant. It's mostly old, run down, and tiny. I don't know any Americans who'd live in a house with only one bathroom, lol.
    But we love the garden.

  2. I thought it was just me who made up wild stories for entertainment and distraction. She sounds really interesting - peanut butter and kidney beans aside, as that's rather freaky, but not as freaky as her Mom must've put the two together in the first place.

    Are there links for clicking??

  3. Anonymous10:00 AM

    Hi Livvie - I have to explain the peanut butter and red beans - my mom would never put them together, but honest, that's all I'd eat. Some green salad, fruit, and maybe some meat - but no milk, cheese, green vegetables - and no foods could touch each other in my plate, and horrors if there was butter or sauce on it!
    I grew out of it when I was about 18...

  4. What an interesting and eclectic list! I love #12: if you're still together after that, it's going to last! :)

  5. Now that's what I call a cover! I love the opening paragraph. What a fun way to procrastinate. Now I have to click the links.

  6. love it - more, Kate - interview her again - lol

  7. My oldest and youngest sons won't let their food touch on the plate either. and they both eat all of one item, then go to the next and eat all of it, etc.

    I can't wait to read Zombie Jack.

  8. hey lady...i ran across you after years and years of's by you.....i've been poeten for a long while now...hahahahahaha...the lowest rung on the writing ladder...nice to say hi kiddo...Nanza


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