Thursday Thirteen Reasons I'm Personally Threatened by Gay Marriage

1. I already forget to return formal wedding invitation refusals. Do I really need more of those shoved into the wrong drawer and forgotten? And when I do remember to show up to the weddings I say yes to, how will I know which side to sit on? Bride side? Groom side? Nuh uh.

2. The bridal industry and its magazines are already bloated and this is only going to make it worse. They're going to crowd out the mass-market paperbacks in the drug store. I write m-mpb so...I'm particularly worried about this one.

3. The rental halls and hotel ballrooms—there aren’t enough to go around…I mean it’s bad enough trying to book events for baby dedications, family reunions and straight weddings. (I overheard this argument on a train)

4. Wedding showers. Who receives them? Do both people get to register for two showers? Jeepers, do we really want Pottery Barn to rule the world?

5. I got nothing but boys. I like the idea that the BRIDE’S family pays for the wedding. But what if one of my guys is gay? Scary thought that I might get landed with some big bills.

My personal threats after the wedding

6. If the lesbians two blocks over are any indication of what these couples are like when they end up doing the traditional mom/dad role thing? Forget it. Part-time working but mostly SAHM and her partner have a new baby. Their house looks way too good. They bake from scratch. She makes me—a straight mom at home—look pitiful. I just do not need this kind of competition.

7. The baby is too flipping cute as well.

8. Girl Scouts hold father/daughter dances. Which dad gets to go, huh? It can cause a lot of bad feelings inside the family and that will spread to the playground gossip. (on the other hand, maybe the extra dads can rent themselves out. There already are bad feelings about this one with the single mother families around here)

9. More divorces. Because gay marriage threatens my marriage, I’ll probably end up divorcing. I’ll want a good attorney but with significantly larger portion of the population marrying and thus divorcing, I’ll have a harder time finding one.

10. This guy on dailykos points out that we straight types will have to hook up with gay types. Who gets our house? Mike and his new mate or me and mine? Someone will have to leave. No way I’m sharing the bathrooms with more people.

11. This Baptist dude points out that homosexual and marriage are parts of the language that have nothing to do with each other. Don't we have ENOUGH words to deal with? Do we really have to come up with more? I'm still trying to get used to the word pwned. Is it pronounced "owned" or "powned"? Would it be hife or wusband?

12. Slippery slope. I don't know what we're in danger of sliding into around here but it can't be good. I'm thinking if Santorum is right about man on dog, Soozee and I will be safe for now. The three homosexual couples on our block happen to be lesbians. Santorum didn't mention woman on dog. And Ben Demenoch's fretting about box turtles doesn't worry me because I haven't seen any around here.

hey she's got her head on my lap. What's she thinking?

13. Reasons one and nine on the Baptist dude's list (I don't want to link to him again. Sorry) basically points out that Godly America and homosexual marriage don't go together. He makes it clear that it can't happen here.'s not really a threat after all. BUT WAIT. What if the couples around here decide they absolutely must be married? Will their citizenship be revoked? Will they have to go to the Godless north of Canada? I wouldn't mind if the couple with the nasty dogs (that bit my kid and my dog) go away. But who'll make that great guacoplatter at the block parties? On the other hand. . . Do we get their stuff?

Happy Anniversary to Us. Twenty one years of marriage today.
I've actually spent more than half my life with the guy (not all in wedded bliss). All those married years will mean nothing--SQUAT--if gay marriage happens. I'm not sure why. Something to do with sanctity. Forget communication and respect and laughing at his bad jokes. For a marriage to work you need sanctity, and gay marriage will corrupt our national natural sanctity resources.

I think I'll go put this up at dkos. I'm in the mood for a poll.


  1. The thought of having to share my bathroom with more people no no it can't happen!!! It'll all come to ruin!!!


  3. Congrats on your 20th!

    Like the photo. Dogs will lick anything, you know? Especially if you put peanut butter on it first. Not that I have any personal experience in this regard, but I hear things.

    Mine is finally up. Not nearly as good as yours.

  4. thanks guys!
    But doug? it's twenty-ONE years. I'm getting credit for every minute of this one, k?

  5. >>Will their citizenship be revoked?

    Maybe they'll send them south, to Mexico with all the illegals *eye rolling*

    Happy Anniversary Hon!

  6. I tried to comment earlier but blogger ate it so I'll try again now. 21 years is amazing! Congrats to you both. (Ever notice how lame things sound when you have to type it twice?)

  7. Congratulations on your almost-meaningless wedding anniversary, Kate. (Good thing you don't live in Massachussetts, eh?)

  8. Anonymous1:57 PM

    I LOVE the 13 reasons! So gratifying to know that we're truly threatening. Happy Anniversary, Kate, from one of those godless Canadian-wed lesbians.
    - Renaissance Woman, spouse of Elswhere.

  9. That was great. Now I know the *real* dangers inherent in gay marriage.

  10. Sorry - late to the party but hearty congratulations on the anniversary of your skirting-dangerously-close-to-the-border-of-living-in-profane-sin wedding.


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