note to an author responding to a rotten review
1. Write your response. Delete it. No, it doesn't matter that you think your response is funny. It will contain at least a seed of bitterness that makes you look like a goober.
2. Focus on one of Monica Jackson's Author Calming Visualizations. Hmmm. Can't see it at that link but there should be references to it all over the place. I chose to go outside my species for my visualizations. Here's my favorite: I call it "Messageboard/Blog Regulars Go Wild and Stampede Because of One Teeny-Tiny Stupid Remark by a Newbie Author."
3. Remember one of the basic author's truths as revealed by PBW: The words "Your constructive comments are truly appreciated" translate to Oh, blow me.