whining about food

2.5 days of dieting and I wonder how people keep this kind of lifestyle up for years and years.

If I'm going to obsess about food, I want to ponder questions like:

Next time I hit Trader Joe's should I go for dark chocolate or maybe some of that chocolate with bits of orange peel in it?

Should I make chicken satay or chicken enchiladas?

I do not want to think of food as the enemy.

I liked my state of nonrexia, the opposite of anorexic. I've been operating along the lines of a typical male--that is when I think of my bod, I'm about 20 years** out of date. I think hey, I'm curvy. I'm fine. And then when I see myself in the mirror it's "HOLY CRAP, who is that???"

My solution has been to not have mirrors. It's not going to work any more because of the high blood pressure and other nonsense. I'm drinking nasty stuff and eating fruit and hoping it'll make me more Aware. It has, I am, and I want to go back to oblivion.

whine whine whine.

** Actually more like 15 years out of date. This all began with boy 1. Damned childbearing.


  1. I think I look like a goddess in the mirror. It's when I see pictures or movies of myself that I freak out. Can't be me. Not that much.

  2. Satay, not enchiladas. Exercise + carb restriction. Not Atkinsane carb restriction, but I do try to avoid pasta, bread, crackers etc. as much as possible.


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