Hey! You!
We were in Marshalls in West Hartford over near the fake flowers. I was the one trying to find twin sized sheets that weren't pink. You're the lady who was trying to talk to her mother but losing it. "Think about it, Ma. It's not gonna work. That's the wrong color for your house." and "They're completely not what you need. There should be more than one anyway."
Your Ma was old and shuffling and out of it. I could hear that frustration in your voice and I recognized it and knew I'd sounded the same way, trying to reason with someone who's not operating on the same plain (or is it plane? are we on a big grassy thing or in a crowded cabin?) Anyway. I could hear something familiar in the way you bordered on the edge of losing it with that old lady.
I remember lots of trips with my own doddering mother. And I so wanted to go up and touch your arm ...
....and yell hey, LADY, SHUT THE FUCK UP. The woman's going to be dead any day. Just tune it out if you have to. Don't let yourself be caught up in the moment because there are going to be so few good ones if you try to bring her back to straight thinking. Just look at that sweet old befuddled face, accept what you see and say good bye to what you knew as Ma. She's gone and no amount of reasoning (patient or impatient) and nagging will bring her back from Gaga-land. . .
And here's something else unbelievable but true: some day you'll even miss the loser of a dodderer that replaced her. You'll feel bad later on, after she shuffles off completely, when you hear echoes of your useless annoyance.
Happy goddamn mother's day.
Your Ma was old and shuffling and out of it. I could hear that frustration in your voice and I recognized it and knew I'd sounded the same way, trying to reason with someone who's not operating on the same plain (or is it plane? are we on a big grassy thing or in a crowded cabin?) Anyway. I could hear something familiar in the way you bordered on the edge of losing it with that old lady.
I remember lots of trips with my own doddering mother. And I so wanted to go up and touch your arm ...
....and yell hey, LADY, SHUT THE FUCK UP. The woman's going to be dead any day. Just tune it out if you have to. Don't let yourself be caught up in the moment because there are going to be so few good ones if you try to bring her back to straight thinking. Just look at that sweet old befuddled face, accept what you see and say good bye to what you knew as Ma. She's gone and no amount of reasoning (patient or impatient) and nagging will bring her back from Gaga-land. . .
And here's something else unbelievable but true: some day you'll even miss the loser of a dodderer that replaced her. You'll feel bad later on, after she shuffles off completely, when you hear echoes of your useless annoyance.
Happy goddamn mother's day.
Happy godamn Mutter's Day to youz too, kid.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is too sharp. Called me up after she read my blog to tell me I'd misplaced another modifier. I just know I'm going to be the doddering one in the family.
But I'm a good dodder.
*ducking and running*
Hugs to you, Kate. Sometimes it doesn't seem like you'll miss them when they're gone, does it? I think the reminder to deal with the parent you have and not the one you wish you had is timely for me right now...
ReplyDeleteHappy goddamn mother's day to you, too.
Good dodder. Har har harrr Dodder. Which modifier?
ReplyDeleteYo, Ms AE It's different when your mom is fully responsible for being a twit.
The sad thing is I bet I'd be good for about ten minutes of total sweetness and light, and then wham, I'd just go back to old interactions. Patterns are set dammit! I doubt I was ever as bad as that lady yesterday.
I sure as hell hope not.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you weren't, Kate. Now if only you could be perfect like me.
ReplyDeleteI think my mother will be sane and evil until she dies at (quickly checking to find out the age of the oldest human ever) 122. She'll doubtless die of apoplexy when she asks me her perennial question, "Are you cooking healthy?" and I tell her, "Yeah, we had smores for dinner tonight." And then I'll have to shoulder that guilt, too.
ReplyDeleteI always gift myself on holidays--birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc. I really wanted a Helmet of Hijinkiness +12 this year, but they were all sold out. I had to settle for a bracelet and earrings.
ReplyDeleteDamn it.