What do these toys have in common**

1. the squeaky penguin dog toy.

2. the "change your voice" megaphone.

3. the plastic drum and mariachi set

4. a couple of the wooden ninja swords.

5. The electronic robot that beeps every two seconds exactly like a smoke detector losing power.

6. Battalion Wars video game that features "brigadier betty" and other cutsey pie characters. I think it's designed to train the under ten set to raze a village and blast cutsey pie enemies. Spooky. If you're going to blast your enemy into little bits you and they should not look like sweet lil big-eyed punkins. And I don't like the music


**They met (or will meet) mysterious ends. Whoosh! Vanished as if swept off the face of the earth. Or broken.

No, of course not. I would never be so underhanded.

Comments

  1. Anonymous8:06 PM

    I have my own similar list.

    Furbie (remember it's wailing, MEHHHHH?)

    A toy radio thing which looked good when we bought it for our toddler-aged son, but got on our nerves within 2 minutes of purchase.

    Musical condoms.

    Okay, I'm kidding about the condoms.

    ReplyDelete
  2. bettie3:46 PM

    I use the threat of noisy toys to keep my friends with kids in line. i.e., If you ask me one more time when hubby and I are going to procreate, Auntie B will give your little darling a drum set for Christmas.

    Also, those little clacker things (you know, the stick with two plastic balls attached to rigid plastic spines so that the balls clack together when the lil' darlin waves the stick up and down?)

    The instruments of my vengeance are simple, but effective.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Linda Winfree5:29 PM

    I thought I was the only parent who was that underhanded . . .

    Wait. Musical CONDOMS?! I really don't want to know, do I?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Linda Winfree5:31 PM

    Okay, Doug was joking.

    I hate toy guns -- any and all toy guns -- because they either click repetitively or make annoying electronic sounds.

    Guess what Monster #2 loves the most?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Suisan8:14 PM

    The worst thing is though when you've put all the toys in garbage bags, and, realizing that your apartment bin won't hold them, you load the garbage bags into the car for a town dump run. Then, upon picking the darlings up from a playdate, the garbage bags start TALKING.

    "Mommy? What's that?"

    "Hmm?"

    "Why is my Barney toy in the trash? Did you throw my Barney toy AWAY??"

    "Hmm? What, honey? I don't hear anything."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Corn Dog10:27 PM

    Remember those toy ray guns they made about 15 - 17 years ago that went waa-yaaa waa-yaaa and you could switch annoying sounds. I got 2 for my sisters kids and 2 for my brothers kids. THen I got them all castenettes. Since my sister was so special, I got her kids BONGO drums. They had red strips on them. They were old enough to get the mail themselves. I told them to "watch for them." I bought them a Disney cassette tape of It's a Small World. No, I don't have kids. I was untouchable. Muha ha ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kate10:28 AM

    so doug, what kind of music would it play? 1812 Overture?

    Corn Dog and Bettie are voted most evil people, ever.

    Okay, Dick Cheney wins, and then comes my brother who gave my kids the amplifier when we had an eight hour drive in front of us. And THEN Corn Dog and Bettie. No wait, first VP. DC, then my brother and then the guy who invented the chip that plays birthday card music and THEN you guys.

    Suisan, we had a talking Barney TOO! Damn, small world. . . Ours just lost his ability to talk fast. Didn't occur to me to actually toss the bugger.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Rosie11:19 AM

    I had a brother who gave noisy toys (fire fighter helmets with sirens on top). The best revenge is when they have kids. Of course you might have to wait a few years, but it's worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. bettie2:41 AM

    No way am I as evil as Corn Dog. All my battles are wars of retribution. No preemptive strikes here. Corn Dog on the other hand...It's a Small World? - dude, that is so cold.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous6:38 PM

    Hey! Hey! For your information, MOTHER, you are TOTALLY WRONG about battalion wars. There are no missions where you raze villages. So Ha and Ha and HA and HA AGAIN!

    -Neurotically yours, Boyo 2.

    ReplyDelete

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