job necessities and SBD

work supplies:
box o' unused Kleenex -- yes
bag for nasty used Kleenex--yes
advil--yes
lukewarm cup of coffee and lukewarm bottle of water--yes
work clothes:
battered old Kid's View teeshirt with boy1's sweats and boy2's school spirit sweatshirt--yes
clove of peeled garlic jammed in left ear--yes

okay, time to write some romantic smut.

Maybe later I'll write about some of the books I read this weekend but I doubt it. Glass houses and all. But I'm grouchy enough to say enough with the meat sandwiches. If the plot doesn't call for two guys to be all over the heroine, then don't. Just don't. No more throwing things in just to reach that E or X rating at Ellora's. Make It Integral To The Story and Characters.

Fine, all right, if you must put in the wandering-from-the-point sex, then let us know in the warning. (warning: Hot Smutty Sex also HSS occasionally unrelated to actual character development and story line)

I admit I need a checklist to start my day, but I wish some writers would leave the checklist behind when they write. [buttsecks, two boiz, doing self in shower whilst imagining hot secks, watching other people go at it, even the old tab a/slot b] etc.

Heck, I'm even tired of that damned black moment. WHO says there must be a black moment? eh? where's it written that every romance -- actually almost every mass-market book -- on the planet requires that one last squirt of trouble at the tail end of the damn book? I hate most some black moments because they are so clearly part of someone's list and not part of the flow of the story.

I hate this stupid clove of garlic in my ear, too. Doug the ENT would disapprove, but I've run out of ideas.

Comments

  1. That shit cracked me up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Clove of garlic? In yer ear?

    crush the garlic. Warm it in olive oil. Strain out the garlic and use the warm garlicky olive oil in your ear.

    I'm not kidding.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yum, Doug.
    Half for my ear, half for the garlic bread I want to make.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Eeew. I'll ignore that last comment.

    What I don't understand is how my stuff gets accepted at EC. I never, well, almost never have any of the things you list going on. One in love m/f couple. And they are comedies, to boot. Hmmnn, better go back and read those contracts.

    ReplyDelete

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