ah the crazy old days with Dell

helpful polite idjit: may I help you, MarGARet?

me: Yes, I was just cut off by accident. I need to return my computer to get it fixed. It's happened twice before--I'm still under warranty, thank goodness. I'm getting the error message again that means the mother board--

hpi: Did you write down the error message, MarGARet, please?

me: Sure it's --

hpi: Excuse me. I must put you on hold. I will return momentarily, MarGARet. Please excuse the wait.

woman's voice tells me about the wonders of going online to get help for my computer. I wonder how many other people shout "I'd be there if I could, ya bitch" at recording.

hpi: Yes, hello MarGARet, sorry for the delay. I have my supervisor on the line. He should be able to help you interpret the error message you've been getting, MarGARet. I'll just transfer you. Thank you and have a good day. We are most sorry you are experiencing trouble.

me: Fine, but can I get a case num--

clicketty click, silence, whirrrrrrrr, silence.. "if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

begin again from the top. get past go on third attempt, get to supervisor, read fatal error aloud. Be put on hold for several minutes. Woman's chirpy voice tells me about the great upgrades that I can purchase or download. Online.

hpi: Well, MarGARet, according to what you have told me, the problems you describe and the message you're getting tells us that your mother board must be replaced.

me: Yes, I know. My computer is under warr--

hpi: Please wait, MarGARet, while I check to see what we can do for you. Thank you. I sincerely apologise for the troubles you are having with your computer. Please hold.

Woman tells me of all the marvelous new product line I can read about. Online. And she reminds me that my wait time will be much faster. Online. I read a chapter of a book.

hpi: I see that your computer is still under warranty, but you must send it back to us for repair. It will need a new mother board. Please wait while we get you a return number, hmmm? Thank you, MarGARet, and we are so sorry for the inconvenience. I'll just transfer you to the returns unit.

me: Wait! Wait, stop! Give me a direct number for them please! And a case number so I don't have to start at the beginning if I get cut off again? Please?

hpi: Oh, I assure you, there is no need to worry. But yes, certainly, here is your case number, MarGARet: 563mumbldy mumbuldy 23.. I'm transferring you now, MarGARet. Let me just say again, MarGARet, how sorry we are for the inconvenience.

me: Great, but I'm not sure I got the number, let me just repeat that bac--

click, clicketty whirrrrrr
repeat above


  1. Oy.

    What fun for you! Made me laugh though, although I guess I'm laughing at your frustration and pain, which isn't very nice come to think of it.

  2. Pobrecita! Is it wrong that I found your trials and travails in the world of telephone help so very funny? Funny because I've been there--right there, with the loop and the hang-ups and the managers who treat you like you're crazy to be upset because you've been on the phone 1.5 hours.

    Only, where I ranted and kicked furniture that should not have been kicked, you turned that angry frown upside down and made us laugh about it. I think an angel's getting its wings or something. ;o)

    Stay strong! ::raises fist:: Fight the power!

  3. ah but see, my Time in Dell Hell is OVER

    No need to say "there, there Kate, those people will be first up against the wall,"** any longer. I hope.
    I'm DONE

    ** and they shouldn't be anyway. Maybe the ones who hire them though? the ones saving money by not doing real training?


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