Here's what I don't get. How can I gain and lose the equivalent of a really big bag of dog food and not feel that different?

The changes I've noticed are pretty insignificant: clothes fitting differently (but that's the clothes, not me) a chin or two going away. The reemergence of hip bones is the biggest deal and I only notice them because of my sleeping position. Ow, hey.

I've never been big (well, yes, I have, har har) at paying attention to bodily details, but it seems to me that if you lose what equals 9 packages of sugar (or flour) from your body, it shouldn't just be the details that you'd have to look for.

Other people are far more aware of the difference. Mostly women, or they're the ones who'll exclaim about it. "omiGOD, you look good!" in an astonished voice. I've done that too, in my life, to other people.

Henceforth, I will never do it again. Because what happens if I gain it all back? I will hear the "you used to look so good!" even when they don't say it. Naw, I don't much care about that.

But I am sort of astounded that weight matters so much and the loss of it is such a cause of public celebration. I have defeated an enemy! I am a modern hero! You may carry me on your shoulders in a victory parade! No, wait until I lose another third of a bag of dog food. Don't want to strain yer muscles.


  1. I've been super skinny, thanks to chemo, and way too fat, thanks to the knee problems, and I'm happy if I can manage to keep my weight somewhere in between those two undesirable states. I know I'm never going to be a small girl or be able to exercise a great deal, not with my joint problems. Only took me twenty years to accept that.

    I never envied skinny women, though. My little sister has been fighting anorexia since high school, and it still scares the bejesus out of me to see an underweight teen.

    The most compliments I've received on my personal appearance was when I was nine months pregnant with my daughter and (to me, anyway) appeared like a duck who had swallowed a basketball. That little growing life inside me did make me feel beautiful, so I think maybe I did glow a little. Could be that happiness is the ultimate beauty secret.

  2. Yikes. As if simple life wasn't enough to send people on weight roller coasters you have to go find some complications? Poor Lynn.

    A duck? Seriously? Because of the waddling?

  3. A duck? Seriously? Because of the waddling?

    The bug-eye glasses probably didn't help, but I did waddle, as my center of gravity was seriously messed up.

  4. I love disappearing extra chins. Don't like the hip bones in the mattress.I lap up the "OMG"s because I'm an ego sponge. The hard part is when they then ask "How did you do it?" and the answer is: diet and exercise. They look so crushed and disappointed then. I feel sorry for the OMGs, for they were hoping for the miracle and got smacked with hard truth.

    I'm running later and you'll be my psychic companion today. You and my artist friend Sarah.


  5. Dear Kate,

    You have perfectly articulated exactly what I always have felt: But I am sort of astounded that weight matters so much and the loss of it is such a cause of public celebration.

    Except you sound more agreeable about it. I mostly want to smack people and say "Stop fucking talking about someone else's body so graphically, you sick fuck." I am offended by it, see, whether it's a gan or loss of pounds.

  6. Lynn, your body is out to get you. I'm sorry.

    Lyvvie, I'm running later too, maybe. If I get around to it.

    Beth, the GAINING OF WEIGHT is a sin and it must be treated with polite SILENCE by all good people. When I was fat, a neighbor kid said something like "you're gotten fatter" and her mother, a nice lady, I like a lot, looked as if she wanted to hit her kid.

    It was as if the kid said I was hideous, a blot on the face of humanity and should be put to death. Anyone who dares mention the gaining of weight is as crass and horrible as someone using racial slurs.

    I said, "yup, I am." Then the mother gave her a fierce whispered lecture. Probably about mentioning a person's appearance?

  7. Lynn. Wait, no. I take back that last comment.

    In that photo you do not look like a duck. You look adorable and, okay, low....like you probably needed to know where the nearest bathroom was at all times. Bladder crushers.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

what I'm talking about above--the letter in RWR

My Writing Day with an Unproductive Brain