Yep, this is the 200th post.

I have to drive around the greater Hartford area and then act as a Stern Overseer, sitting in an empty house with no internet connection.

That means you'll have to write this post for me. Make it a poignant slice of life** and less than 100 words. You might want to look at some of my previous back cover contests and maybe I'll even include links to them. Later.

In the meantime, here are some photos to inspire you. Extra points if you incorporate all four.

Write a good one and I'll send you sox. And maybe a book.

This might qualify a contest even, but I'm too tarred, tarred, tarred to pimp a contest. Maybe after the Day of Endless and Bizarre Errands (one includes the use of Vaseline tm), I'll go around to other blogs and push this as a real contest.


** I think we can agree that Beth's belly dancing boy qualifies. Billy Elliot with a spangled crop top and finger cymbals.


  1. Anonymous1:06 PM

    My entry:

    God, my ancient aunts are coming over, and I've got ants! Can I tell you that cleaning up is hovering one step above draining my blood into a wash bucket on the scale of things I'd care to do? Some chocolates are necessary. Lots of chocolates. Wish I had Godiva, though.

    Hey, is that an amulet under the couch? Cool. Nifty even. Clearly it doesn't ward off dust bunnies, though. The little devils practically swallowed it.

    Okay, I really, really have to get started.


    *half an hour later*

    I mean it now.

  2. After causing much anger to the Mayan God Mantailovekatezuma with their gift of substandard chocolates the Rothwell sisters were forever plagued by a swarm of angry ants. Their lives resigned to spinsterhood they spent their remaining time reading romance novels and cursing the youngest sister as she was the one who chose the chocolate assortment with that yucky nougat crap instead of the one with the nuts.

    A real entry will come later, maybe, if I feel like it.

  3. Anonymous7:14 PM

    This ant, it got into my chocolate, I was very unhappy.

  4. Your photos remind me of a "delicacy" from my childhood, chocolate covered ants; however the old biddies who helped raise me would only allow me to eat those that came in Mayanchu Delicious gold foil. They kept the wrappers next to the artifcacts they'd collected on their summers in Mexico and Peru. Like mothers who substitute generic flavored cereal in the regular Fruit Loops boxes once they're empty, these old heifers would make their own chocolate-covered ants and try passing them off as store bought. But I could tell. I'd tasted the bugs outside.

    Hope your energy returns soon.

  5. The cross-dressing Bartleby Bros. of Brooklyn thought they had pulled the heist of their career by stealing the famed Elgian Ashtray. Little did they know their crime would be revealed by a single chocolatey fingerprint, evidence of Fanny (far left) Bartleby's complicity. Most damning of all, a man's pubic hair, carried from the British Museum by a fetishistic ant, provided DNA evidence of Bruiser (center) Bartleby's guilt.

  6. Julianna breathed deep, fully taking in her surroundings. She could bot believe it had been three weeks since she had escaped the clutches of her wicked aunt Elsbeth and the ladies league. She had left with little but the clothes on her back, and a box of chocolate she had pocketed during her midnight escape. Luck had been on her side. The day she had arrived amidst this rich Peruvian landscape, she had found an ancient artifact of
    emblazened gold. It had brought more than enough coin to start anew, here on this foreign soil. Nothing could rob her of the joy she was feeling. She was free! If it were not for the damnable ants scaling her leg, life would be perfect.

  7. Sweet Surrender

    Kate never could resist the smell of chocolate, and Marcus knew it.When he showed up on her doorstep smelling like it she knew he wanted her help . Her sisters begged her not to leave but were soon placated by Marcus' assurances that they would return with enough Mayan gold to last the rest of their lives. And so it was that Kate found herself blindfolded and tied to a stake next to a mound of South American ants. As she succumbed to the ant's venom she thought she caught a whiff of chocolate. But would he be too late?

  8. Here we go.

    The Aztec Gods demanded blood sacrifice, but due to the aphrodisiac qualities of the holy chocolate covered ants virgins were few and far between. As luck—and a beached mail boat—would have it, a misdirected Sears’ catalogue provided the answer: the Merville Sisters of Chattanooga, Tennessee. Not only were they virgins, but the various ailments that plagued them (hunch backs, facial hair, buck teeth, and deviated septums) would keep them that way during the long trek through the jungle. The only question that remained was whether or not Sears would take an ancient Aztec mask in trade.

  9. Sara was the only blonde in a family of brunettes. She always felt different, and often wished she fit in. Ants all looked the same, she thought, staring out the window at the flapping laundry. Her hair wasn't the only thing that set her apart from her sisters. She was fanciful enough to compare the sun to an Aztec coin, though she'd never seen one, and her wish was to live in a chocolate shop in a busy town, far from this dusty, quiet farm.
    On the windowsill, the ants filed by, all the same...all quite content.

  10. My 3 sisters and I were talking about going through Dad's belongings since he had passed away. While we were discussing what each would like to have for keepsakes we were also indulging in a delicious box of chocolates that Dad had gotten from someone and were located in the cupboard.
    All of us went upstairs to the attic and began going through the boxes. We were finding treasures galore. Items that had been forgotten. All of a sudden my one sister let out a scream and said 'I'm not going to look in here, there's ants crawling all over. Me being the brave one said 'let me look'. Inside the box was a piece of wedding cake from a few years ago that Mom had gotten at a wedding and when she passed away Dad or someone else had put it in a box with other items and put it in the attic. The ants were crawling all over the piece of cake but what I found beneath this was a discovery. I said 'oh my goodness, do any of you remember this plaque?' Yes, everyone did and were so happy that we had come across it. It was a golden bronzed plaque of an Egyptian King that a missionary had brought back and given to our parents as a hospitality gift. Our parents had invited the missionary to spend the night and eat with the family when she was home on furlow. This had been approximately 10 years ago and we were happy to have come across it.
    We went downstairs for more chocolate and to discuss who would like the plaque.

  11. My entry:

    While on an archeological dig in Peru, Raven found an incredible golden mask and briefly considered the amount of money it would bring on the black market. After she came to her senses, before beginning the long walk back to base she pulled out a box of chocolates. Grabbing a piece she began to pop it into her mouth. At just that moment Andrew arrived, “stop!” he screamed. She looked down to find on the chocolate piece, the largest and rarest, black fire ant sitting on it, “thank God you arrived before I popped it into my mouth!”

  12. once again i had a REAL need for was so much easier to belly dance with them on when in was so frosty and cold outdside...GAWD...even the black widow spiders needed sox !!!
    they scurried over the clutzy old bronze mask i had out to take to the thrift shop and their eight feet became frozen to the bright golden metal....

    to give them a little extra energy to free themselves i share my LAST Godiva chocolate with them.....every day for a month i watch for UPS to bring them.....would they ever come ??????

  13. what !!!! those were ants..not wonder they ate that chocolate so fast !!!!!

  14. been in japan for about eight months now. american. in a semi-urban city. needed a bike, so i bought one.

    had heard of japanese high level of honesty so often left bike unlocked when going into stores and shit.

    one day, waiting for friend outside noodle shop. need to piss. leave bike. piss. come back. bike gone. "SHIT."

    assume friend fucking hid bike. shout friend's name loud. again. no answer. PISSED THE FUCK OFF.

    walk around town the next week or so. still no sign of bike.

    go home to hawaii for a week. grandma sick. come back to japan.

    still no bike. getting tired of walking everywhere. see many unlocked bikes around town.

    decide to take one. filthy bike. lock dangling unlocked on handlebar. toss lock in grass. ride off with filthy half-broken bike.

    enjoying new ride for two weeks. go to supermarket. then come outside. bike gone. WTF. i locked bike. "hey you."

    turn around. "this your bike?" bike being loaded into van. nod yes. shit. idiot move. shoulda walked. it's dude's bike. try to give key and walk away.

    dude grabs me. calls police.

    wait for 15 min for police. i am steaming. fucker. 6 officers come. for a fucking bike theft. useless bastards.

    end up getting only slap on hand. and fucking melted ice cream. and two hours wasted at the po po station.

    STILL PISSED. dude still locks his bike where i know. fucker gonna get his shit double locked.


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