eye rolling

The kids recovered from their temporary insanity. They felt the need to scream "SKILL CRANE" . I dunno. I suspect the moon was full.

I hid from them and read blogs. Right blogs, left blogs, black blogs, white blogs, big blogs and little blogs, par-tay blogs.

And now I'm the one who's insane.

From Bill O'Reilly to a standard vegfemPETA blog, everyone knows what's Good for This Country. And the other side? NOT TRUE AMERICANS. Nope, only if you're [fill in blank] can you be considered a TRUE AMERICAN. Guess what, Bill? A bunch of the people of San Francisco are truer Americans if only because they get the point--it's okay. We're all in it together.

a true American is on welfare
a true American joins the military after high school.
a true American works two shifts at the Colt factory then quits to join a cult.
a true American works 80 hours a week.
a true American owns three homes.
a true American knows all three verses of the star spangled banner.
a true American only drives volvos. Or fords. Or a bike. maybe not a hummer....no shut it. okay, they drive hummers too.
a true American marries and divorces six times.
a true American carries mocking effigies of the president in protests. She might even burn the flag.
a true American lives in a series of homeless shelters.
a true American wears his wife's dresses. They look better on him than they do on her.
a true American doesn't stand up at the ball park when they play the national anthem.
a true American does yoga every morning.
a true American is gay but doesn't tell anyone until he hits 30 and gets drunk.
a true American pickets the local army recruiting office.
a true American thinks the government put little green men in his tooth fillings.
a true American thinks sex should only be performed for making children.
a true American doesn't wear underwear.
a true American has voted in every election.
a true American weeps at parades.
a true American flies seventeen American flags on her property and takes them to be properly disposed of when they wear out.
a true American wouldn't recognise George Bush if he showed up at her front door.
a true American hasn't left his couch in six years. He's going for a record.

Get it yet? It's not a club. No one gets kicked out for being an idiot or clueless. We don't have to do the morning exercises as proscribed by the chairman. We don't have to take loyalty oaths and we don't have to know the words to the national anthem. We can be stupid, brilliant and/or crazier than a loon. We might not all get the same protection as the richest people in the country but, by God [or Goddess, or even Satan], we're still true Americans. Tell us otherwise and you're being as unpatriotic as is American-ly (did write humanly, but that's silly) possible. Melting pot, dude--doesn't matter if some of the ingredients stick to the sides and some sink.

See? I get it. I love this country more than you do. So go back to wherever you came from. (That last bit is a joke, son)


  1. Actually, I'm pretty sure the rock Bill crawled out from under was glad to get rid of him.

  2. Good one, Kate. Too bad Bill doesn't know how to read.

  3. Couldn't you go for a little "two minutes hate" every now and again though? Lovely post Kate.

  4. Nicely done, Kate. Point beautifully made.


  5. thanks guys. . .cheryl b--ranting counts as a couple of minutes of hatred (or righteous indignation which feels even more delicious)


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