Me: Hey there, blog, howya doing?
Blog: Like you care.
Me: Yeah, I know I don't write here as much as I used to.
Blog: It's not that! It's that you've lost interest in the things that matter! That draw TRAFFIC. Dammit, do you remember the Good Old Days? NORA ROBERTS commented here SEVERAL TIMES. Smart bitches wandered past to say hello. Many many people entered your contests and they were FUN, dammit. I mean you had seventy five people making up great 55 word stories.
Me: Yup, I remember. I do miss the Bosnian sock contests. Here, lemme make you feel better and put in a link for the latest contest. That make you feel better?
Blog: Screw it. Hardly. That's a lame contest. Nothing creative about it.
Me: I wanted to make it easy.
Blog: Exactly. And still no one's entering. Aren't you worried that you're not getting the contest entries?
Me: Hey, I got at least 14 people entering. And there's time. More people might still visit. And promote me which means promote you. There, there, little blog.
Blog: But you used to get more! and the reviews! You used to get reviews! And the attention! God, what' s happened to you? You used to be a contender. You used to be witty and interesting and on top of the latest scandals and--
Me: This is why I avoid you. I don't need to be reminded of this stuff. And anyway, I've been busy.
Blog: BUSY? You've been watching TELEVISION.
Blog: And yelling at the television.
Me: You would too. I mean jeez. Warehouse 13. How did I get sucked into that?
Blog: Exactly! You could be doing creative things here. Pushing yourself and your books back where they belong. Be a professional.
Me: I mean that last episode...the little things. Like how did the victims of the magnetic lobster change their clothes? The cop. He changed out of his uniform after he had the lobster hanging on. That was stupid. And I"m pretty sure that Claudia character is not going to grow on me--
Blog: Are you listening to me?
Me; Not much.
Blog: WHY NOT?
Me: You're boring. All this stuff about how you used to be great and how my authoring career has stalled out. That's boring. And anyway I have other stuff to do. Like find the dried cherries for breakfast. Mmmm. dried cherries.
Blog: I want you to TAKE ACTION AND GET BACK to the days of glory.
Me: Hey I went to RWA It was cool to see people.
Blog: But you didn't push yourself. Aren't you bitter to see all those writers succeed and you? You're nothing without the attention.
Me: No, I think you're mixing us up. You're nothing without it. I'll be bitter if I can't find those damn cherries. The blueberries are mushy. And I got to get that mystery container out of the back of the fridge before the guys get home. Oh, damn. THERE ARE NO CHERRIES..... Hey, are you sulking again?
Blog: I give up. You will never, ever be what you once were.
Me: Probably not.
Blog: Then why the hell do you keep me around?
Me: Hey, I had 14 people enter the contest. And where else can I rant? Just chill, would you? And help me decide what to have for breakfast.
Blog: If I do will you at least put some effort into SBDs again? You know you like them.
Me: Maybe. I do need to do a Firefly marathon though.
Blog: Right. do me a favor and don't blog that. Be interesting again and maybe I'll stop sulking. Maybe.
Me: Good enough.