Thursday Thirteen -- People I've Slept With

heh. That title ought to bring in readers. No one calls or writes any more. . .

1. My mother. She wouldn't let me into her bed, but would come sit on mine. And then sort of lean over. And then collapse and fall asleep. I'd cover her up with my little pink blanket in the hopes that she'd stay the rest of the night. She never did.

2. Boy One. A major kicker. He wrapped the sheets around his legs too. He's been banned for a long time.

3. Boy Two. A moaner. And he complained about my breath in the morning. Jeez. He and boy one haven't been in the bed for years.

4. Boy Three. Still sneaks in occasionally. I wake up and there he is. Not a kicker or moaner so I don't even notice him until I wake up.

Actually all three lounge on the bed when there's something good on late-night television. I tend to fall asleep teetering on the very edge of the bed. . .so does that count?

5. Sue B. The night she revealed to me that she was gay, we shared the only bed in my apartment. Every time any part of our bodies touched she woke up and said "Oh, God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" She was far more paranoid that I might get the wrong message than I was that she was coming onto me.

6. My best friend from age 4 Gretchen. She snores but we did so many sleep-overs I got used to it. I miss Gretchen.

7. Andy S. The last time was when we were about 6 years old. My father said, "you're not going to get to do this much any more." I said, "why not?" and he said, "You know very well why not." I wasn't sure, but I knew I loathed him (Dad) for saying it.

8. Leah and some guy who's name I've forgotten from the UK. In high school a group of us were canoeing and the canoe with the sleeping bags fell in the water. We ended up with only two undrenched bags per three people. So we slept with one bag on top, one underneath. UK boy was in the middle. He really, really wanted Leah and crept up on her for hours, I think. When she finally told him to get off, he turned around and tried me. I laughed. I mean honestly.

9. I got drunk with a teacher and we ended up passed out in a van on the side of the road. This one probably should go in the "stupidest thing I've done" category Doug is featuring today. Urg. Beer and bumpers. Worst drunk I've ever been--never achieved that sort of misery with alcohol again, thank the good Lord. When we saw each other in the school's hall after that night, we'd scurry in opposite directions. Urgh.

10. I tried to seduce a friend and ended up falling asleep in his apartment just about the time he might have finally gotten over being shy. When I woke up he was in the bed with me naked except for some, um, badly-fitting boxers. He was asleep and I've never been so quiet getting dressed before or since. I left him a friendly note but then didn't return his calls. I was young, okay?

11. Do dogs count as people? Naw, I didn't think so but I've slept with a couple of dogs who thought I was one of them. They'd do that gnawing thing to help me with my fleas. Considerate bedmates. And I'm running out of acceptable entries. So yeah. Dogs. Me.

12. aw heck one unacceptable entry then . .David B. Wrote me the best, funniest non-love letter ever. Damn. It wasn't really a Dear Kate letter, it was mostly just a list of the reasons he'd never fall in love with me, but hey, if I wanted to keep up the sex, that was fine. I can't remember what it was like to sleep with him though. It was a lot of years ago, and frankly, some but not a lot of sleeping going on.

13. My husband. Best spooner ever. He always goes to sleep before I do but can make comforting noises in his sleep. He can even hold sympathetic conversations asleep. Very useful for dealing with an occasional insomniac wife (until the next morning when she says "thanks for being so understanding last night. That was a good talk." and he says "huh?") He talks in his sleep almost every night, even when I don't try to get him into conversation. He says a few words that don't connect with each other but it usually sounds like he's delivering lectures.