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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Seriously, this is why I need to get a professional

I bid on an auction for promo time with a particular blog. It's a great auction, the one run by Brenda Novak. It's a great prize. I won! Whoopee!

So then I went over to look at my winning prize and.....

She won't promo erotic material. Ohhhhhh.
Well.

I think maybe I'll deal with it here. Or maybe I'll give it away to Bobby Cole or someone. I guess I'll leave it up to the woman in charge.

At least the cause is a good one.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Just Stop It. Or Start It. Or Something

I answered the phone and once again I had interrupt the flow so I could wedge in that damn question....The necessary one, Required for the conversation to make sense.

"who the fuck is this?"

leaving out the the fuck because I'm a polite biddy.

You people with caller ID are getting into the habit of just talking and out of the habit of saying "hello this is _________." I don't know who the hell you are. Especially before 9 am.
I had my list thing pop up "blogging at romance lovers" It binged at me before 7--My computer is that on the ball. I didn't wake up much when I wrote my entry.

I started to write about my dream, a recurring dream that involves an ex-boyfriend, and decided....mmmmaybe not. It is one of those blogs, but if I'm going for porn, I'll stick to fiction.

Are dreams fiction? Sure, but.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

13 Things About Which I've Changed my Mind

1. Cilantro. I used to think it tasted like soap, now I love the stuff. Mmmm. Cilantro.
2. Olives. My sister loved them and I wanted to, too, because Nan was so cool. Eventually trying them over and over worked. I like them all now. Even the salty shriveled ones. Yum.
3. Gay marriage. First time I heard about it, I thought it was a joke. I don't recall being strongly opposed to it, I just didn't see why it was important. Now I do. I still see a joke in the topic--people who somehow think it'll destroy their straight marriages = Heh, funny.
4. Romances. I thought they were all trash. I no longer do that ranking thing with genres, ever ("literary books are Better than fantasy are Better than mysteries are Better than romances") because it's stoopid and pointless and leaves out too much good stuff.
5. Books with "a novel" written under the title. I boycotted them for a while just because. Now I think there are too many to ignore them. And anyway, maybe it's not the author who thinks putting "a novel" on the cover is a good idea.
6. Loud bars, rock concerts, etc. I used to love them but now I just feel old, old, old.
7. Camping. No wait, I still don't like that one but for different reasons. Never mind.
8. Scott McClellan. Yesterday I swore I wouldn't buy his book. Today....well, okay, I forgive Scottie for trying to make a dime on his sordid past. I'm sure he'll sleep better knowing I no longer believe he's simply a horrible human.
9. School productions. Remember that line from Splash, where Tom Hanks says all he wants to do is see his kid play a tooth in a school play? I used to go watch my nieces and nephews and friends' kids in plays and concerts and presentations and get all teary-eyed and happy about education. Now? See post two spaces down.
10. Tofu. I no longer think "boogers" when I eat it.
11. Birds singing at 5 am. I sleep through the morning choir so that's fine. Go ahead guys, yell at each other. That's a full circle. When we first moved here I thought how lovely! Birds singing! Then I wondered if maybe a bb gun would do the trick.
12. Little yappy dogs. I've met a few pleasant ones lately and see their appeal. But not the little outfits. Nope, not going to shift on that one, probably.
13. RWA. Another circle, or more like a spiral. It's only as closed-minded and silly as its members and sometimes they look like a bunch of silly closed-minded types and then--oh, oops!-- I remember I'm a member of that club too. Plus Nora Roberts is a member and she might be noisy and opinionated but she's not closed minded.

Now I'm onto how relevant is the group anyway? Generally speaking RWA seems less important than it used to. I can't tell if that's my perception or the truth. Do all author-based groups wield less power nowadays?

Makes sense. There's my spiral right there. When I heard Leslie Wainger talk a couple of weeks ago she said the same thing I've heard since I started seriously trying to get published in romance (2002? maybe?). "It's harder and harder for romance writers to get and stay published.".. So because we're a dime a dozen, not adjusted for inflation, we writers have even less control over our fates than we did a few years ago. Not a whine--just an observation. If you don't believe me, ask Nancy Butler.

I wonder if there was ever a time when those of us who know how to write a story (and I include myself in the group) could be confident that we'd sell it for a reasonable price, too.

[updated because now I remember some great unpubbed stuff from long ago, I'm thinking Lori Y.] I kind of doubt it.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

PBW's warped classics

Did you miss this? I did but now I'm on it for you. Go over there, read it and laugh.

miss me?

The sad thing is I had the time, just not the inclination to blog. Because ummmmmmmmm
errrrrrr.
Um.
Yeah.
I think it's the assemblies, the award ceremonies and the concerts. Especially that last. This is the endless concert time of year... Four big ones that go on for hours and hours and hours. Seriously, the one tonight will start at 7 and go past ten. Tomorrow night, 6:30-9:30. And they will feature violins.

I like the little concerts and the plays. But the big ones mid-year and end-year that feature every group in a very large school or even the whole school system and that has tout ensemble playing the national anthem and God Bless America at least twice. ....

Oh. Shit, No. I go all blank and hazy when we sit in those badly designed, hot and overcrowded auditoriums. And one by one, the music teachers tell us how special our kids are and how wonderful we are to give our kids the gift of music in this very special school system and now can I just get a round of applause for someone who makes this all possible. . .

. . . and to ward off panic, and stop myself from gnawing off my leg, I will mess with my fancy watch to time the speeches to see if they will beat last year's record of almost ten minutes of introductory talking. I expect we'll get a longer talk tomorrow because a couple of people are retiring this year and that means we have to do at least three standing ovations.

I'll miss both of those teachers but that doesn't count in the mothering stakes. I'm in last place there because I'm missing an important Proud Mother Response that'll override Concert Dread. I imagine it's one of those things you can develop with a little work--as in volunteer work so you see how much effort goes into the concert. Not going to happen, never, ever.

Instead I'll have to prove my love by buying a computer for the graduating boy. Shhhh. Don't tell him. The other two can wait a few years to find out that I care.

So Donica won Unbound! (Thanks Lori! Thanks Donica!)

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Shanks Mare

Walking Score your house. It's a cool site.
Aya's old house rated 94! (she's down to 74 now). We're a pathetic 62. Doug--and anyone else thinking of moving to a new area--might want to plug this sucker in.

And now....go down two entries and read WHY you should say something on this blog, at least until Tuesday. You could win a book.

Friday, May 23, 2008

still laughing, really.

YES, DO enter the contest to win Lori Devoti's book, Unbound. Look at her entry below for details (there aren't many details, except about Hell-hounds. I do like that hell-hound list!)

Anyone, especially those who must interact with teenaged boys, will appreciate Darth Vader Acting Like A Smart Ass. Plus? It's short.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thursday Thirteen--Hell Hounds

"So Lori," I said to Ms. Devoti. "I want to bring back the authors on Thursdays. I like doing that, so how's about a TT about you? Hmmm? All about Lori Devoti?" I guess she decided she wasn't a particularly interesting subject. She sent along a TT featuring hellhounds, the shape-shifters she invented for her Nocturne books.

She does some great world-building in those books and HEY, YOU READERS, heads up because I'm going to give away one of her books -- the first in the series--some time in the next few days. See note at end. I mean it, pay attention.

THURSDAY [heh
, Tor's day] THIRTEEN ABOUT HELL HOUNDS:

1. Hellhounds are the sexiest shapeshifters to walk the nine worlds. (You don’t believe me? Yeah, but would you say it to their face?)

2. Hellhounds like meat—not vegetables or frilly pastries. Meat, people. (ummm, are we talking people as meat?)

3. Hellhounds have issues with jewelry—especially the kind enchanted by evil witches to bind them to their kennels.

4. Hellhounds do not dance. They might kick the shit out of someone in a bar fight—but technically that is not dancing.

5. Hellhounds respect the alpha, right up to the moment when they grind his face in the dirt and take over his position.

6. Hellhounds believe all men are created equal—unfortunately that’s equal to each other, not a hellhound. Seriously, stay out of their way.

7. Hellhounds do not share—food, power, women, anything. Don’t ask and your face won’t have to be i
ntroduced to the wall.

8.Hellhounds have a soft spot…somewhere, hidden deep inside under all that testosterone and muscle.

9. Hellhounds do not watch sports on TV and drink beer to bond. They break tables and heads instead.

10. Hellhounds do not mind being naked—makes it hard for anyone around them to think of anything else, but it doesn’t bother them.

11.Hellhounds vacation in fun spots like mud pits and icy spectral kennels. They do not “do” the beach.

12. Hellhounds do not care if they are “understood,” just keep the hell out of their way.

13. Hellhounds don’t date; they mate.


Wild Hunt, Lori's latest Nocturne, releases TOMORROW May 23. It can be ordered at eHarlequin right now and you can read an excerpt at Lori's place.

Hey, look, Lori--hard copies are already out at Amazon,

AND LOOK HERE! I'M HAVING A GIVE AWAY. These always make me nervous but . . .

Go on, make a comment sometime between now and next Tuesday on this post or any other, and I'll pick a random winner/a winner at random, whatever. You'll win a copy of Unbound. (thanks, Lori)

Okay blog visitors, comment so I don't look like a goober, okay? Please?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

suspicious minds

You have to wonder how, in an internet that contains blogs like PBW, and booksquare or even SBTB or Bam or Tumperkin or Mrs Giggles--oh, and not to mention a gazillion interesting agent/editor blogs--how my blog ended up a finalist in a literary/book blog category and they didn't**. I swear no money changed hands on this.

Also you have to wonder "who are those other blogs?" I've never heard of any of them and there's no way to go check out the other pages in the running. I suppose typing in the names might work, but that's so primitive.

Except, hey, look! I'm a finalist! Yay! I love winning contests so yo, yo, yo! go on and vote for me so I can say I'm an award winning blogger! I wonder if the winner gets a lil virtual plaque graphic they can try to put on their page... but they eventually lose the graphic in the bowels of their computer.

________
** maybe I'm in the "pitiful number of visitors a day" blog category? I should look around some more.

Monday, May 19, 2008

this or the barcarolle

Sometimes when I listen to this I get all verklempt to the point of needing to go for a run. The sap is running way too high.

I really like Zimerman** but don't watch, just listen. Or maybe you can but I can't--I've seen too many Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny concert renditions that makes it impossible to watch anything that involves a guy in tails sitting at a piano.

and oh, okay, here's the barcarolle that margaret likes. When the time comes, she says, just push her out to sea and play this.

I say you want passionate sentiment, skip Andrew Lloyd and go straight for Chopin.
_____
**he's so young here, too. Wow.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

bad housekeeping hints

~Piles of returned school work should be put on the sideboard. Not the dining room table. That's reserved for junk mail that needs to be shredded (such as credit card offers) and sections of the newspaper that look too interesting to be recycled.

~Rejection letters should be kept in their own special pile. If you don't mind marks on your table, you could drive a wooden stake through those rejections.

~For a nice decorative touch, try mirror writing in the dust on the piano. Or, if you can't manage to be a Da Vinci, at least go for backwards. "em hsaw" Much more interesting than the standard "wash me"

~IF you get reversible rugs for the bathroom floor, turning them over makes for twice as much use and a pleasant surprise. The rug is white! not grey after all.

~The ratty teeshirts you don't throw out because you figure you could use them for dust rags will make their way back to the regular clothes pile surprisingly quickly unless you push them deep into the closet where the "to be dry-cleaned" clothes live.

~If you can see yourself in the mirror hanging above your dresser, you're not trying hard enough. However it's probably best to use clean clothes to clutter the dresser-top. The dirty stuff belongs on the floor in the vicinity of the laundry basket.

~If I disappear without a trace, look for my remains in the laundry pile near one of the boys' baskets. I think I just saw it move.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Thursday Thirteen--Reasons You're Not Getting Responses, paranoid edition

Thirteen reasons you might not be getting any answers to your emails to individuals and/or yahoo loop questions.

1. your provider sux or maybe it's yahell's fault.

2. there's a nationwide ban on any email that begins yo dude! Those emails get dumped with no notice. Pffffff. Gone.

3 ditto those that start with the words So I was just wondering if you guys could help me with __________.

4. There is yet another junkmail spot you don't know about. All the answers are gathered there but are only saved 30 days.

5. It could be the rumors started about you. No, no one alleges you did something particularly interesting. Sorry. No extramarital sex rumors, either. Probably you said something to someone who took offense and is out to ruin your good name .....not that anyone had heard of that good name anyway. My guess? They're saying you lied about something or were beyond rude to a reviewer.

6. Kiss of Death Promotions. No unpublished book you like makes it to the big time. They make it, yes, but not big time. . (Hold tight, there's still Bronwyn Parry. Don't give up yet. And we still have more out there. . .) Anyway, don't bother with any emails to writers, they aren't gonna wanna make eye-contact. Who can blame them? KODP.

7. You know, it could be the provider. Just not delivering those messages of yours.

8.
But notes are showing up in the yahoo loops so....er....

9.
Everyone's away from the computer, celebrating Edward's endorsement of Obama ~or~ Hillary's West Virginia win

10.
They're busy composing snarky comments about Bush and golf over at Huffingtonpost.com

11.
Everyone's outside. It's spring, for God's sake. Except where it's fall.

12
. They're lining up to buy parts for their GE refrigerators now that GE is going out of the appliance business.

13
. No, but actually? Turns out it is all about you. They're all talking about it now. Just over there behind that door. The general consensus: it is your breath. Breathe into your hand then sniff even though everyone knows that trick doesn't work.

Only possible solution? Back away from hitting refresh on the email and go for a ride in a car like this.
taken from here

Today's post

I'm over at Total Ebound blogging about shape-shifters again.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

No Greeting Card Abilities here, baby

I'm working on a blurb sheet for a Samhain book coming out in October and boy, do I suck at blurb sheets.

Quick, fun, tagline about a title? Nope, can't manage that.

How about a longer blurb to capture a reader? Ummmm. Well see, remember the mariel boat lift ? yeah, I only sort of do. But they were shoved out of their homes and prisons and. . .. How about if they're only half-people, but wait, they're of course the same species...Hey, why're you walking away?

I think the hardest question, the one that I'm currently avoiding (by messing around here):

List some titles that are similar in nature to this book. . . . . Not exactly the same, but lets the bookseller recommend this book to a reader who likes the type.

I bet I'm not the only writer who goes slack-jawed whuh duh? on this one.
I don't want to imitate other people so if I do, it's an accident. I'd be the last to see the resemblance.

Actually, it's not just a matter of being too close to my own stuff. I don't always see resemblance between other people's books--except once it's pointed out, I guess, usually.

For instance Lori Avocato's mysteries are similar to Janet Evanovich (and she's even said that's intentional) but I didn't get that at first even though I've read both of their books.

Victoria Thompson, yah, Anne Perry. I could see that but that might be because the words "Anne Perry Fans Rejoice!" on the cover. (BTW, at this point, I think I like Thompson better because there's less repetition)

Bianca D'Arc is Anne McCafferty-esque, only with sex. Someone else pointed that out, of course.
Are we clear on this? I read about a book a day yet I'd suck at being a bookseller giving out recommendations.

So anyone know of a book about space aliens who're taking over the earth again...and using sex/breeding to do it? (despite the obvious sexx angle, this Summer Devon title probably won't be rated wildly erotic. Poor Summer is losing her sexxiness. She's gotta get that mojo)

No, Mars Needs Women isn't going to work as a suggestion. Pity. (I do mention it in the book)

Monday, May 12, 2008

SBD--woof, snarl, meow

Lori has an article up about shapeshifters. Heck, she's a shape-shifting writer. She can write homespun/funny or tense/scary. Not a one trick pony.

Notice the "pimping self" in the list of tags on this entry? because Lori's got Summer Devon in her article.

Listen, it's okay if you don't like them, but don't whine or growl to me about shape shifters. The whole shifting thing is fun, dammit. Disbelief??? No, nope, pfah, I don't have a problem with that unless the characters don't reflect their various forms even a little bit. If you shape-shift into a cat, you ought to have a taste for fish when you come out of it.

I like the glitches that cause characters to be more complex because of their shifting. My current favorite shape-shifter is the werewolf, Angua, from Pratchett. She thinks like a dog and can't quite abandon that--absently picking up a squeaky bone and playing with it, running straight to Carrot when he snaps his fingers. The great thing about Pratchett is that there are degrees of shifting, like there's Greebo the cat that's shifted but not really. He's a great studly shell with pure tomcat center.

Not sure Pratchett has the bats/vampire thing sorted out, but then, neither do the vampires. (Interesting that there's a single bat vampire in Witches Abroad. Guess the whole 120 lbs to 6 ounces conversion thing hadn't occurred to him yet.)

Yes, I plan to think about other writers some day and it will be soon because
1. I've run out of Pratchetts to read
2. Even I'm bored by myself thinking about them.

But I'm away from fantasy and am currently plowing (I'm doing more than a book a day) through Victoria Thompson's mysteries. Not that I want to but they have an addictive quality and she knows NYC. I was addicted with the first book even though I didn't particularly like it. Now I care about the characters, and I think she's gotten better, so I'm trapped like a rat.

I have to be very, very careful I don't imitate her or steal any of her old NYC stuff. Yikes, scary. I'll go read Kings Guide to New York after I finish her stuff so I don't know where I get the details.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day Part Two, a gift

My list from boy2. A traditional gift... and one that makes me wish blogger let you have a "continued below the cut" option.


List of things less awesome than Mom:

  1. Hamsters
  2. Ninja Hamsters
  3. Ninja fireman hamsters
  4. Ninja fireman atomic mutant hamsters with laser eyes
  5. The Vikings
  6. Homework
  7. Hitler
  8. Spiders
  9. RADIOACTIVE spiders
  10. Spider man
  11. Spider woman ( and yes there is one look it up)
  12. (and she’s less awesome than you)
  13. Triskaidekaphobia
  14. The treadmill
  15. Heavy metal
  16. Umlauts
  17. The !Xu language
  18. Chuck Norris (maybe)
  19. Pencils
  20. Hamsters
  21. DAD (Shhh)
  22. By DAD we of course mean initials for the Danish rock band (look it up!)
  23. Laust Sonne, DAD drummer
  24. Cricket Sloat, Key handgrip
  25. IRON MAN
  26. DADADADADAA
  27. IRON MAN
  28. Super man
  29. Ant man (LOOK IT UP)
  30. Ace the wonder-dog who DOES EXIST HAHA
  31. Superwoman
  32. Wonder woman and her invisible PLANE
  33. THERE IS AN INVISIBLE PLANE HAHAHAHA
  34. Wikipedia even though it helped me prove the existence of the invisible plane.
  35. The invisible PLAN (no one can read it!)
  36. Frisbee
  37. Badminton
  38. Goodglove
  39. Salt-of-the-earthCardigan
  40. Hamsters
  41. Harry Potter
  42. Harry potter 2
  43. Harry Potter 3
  44. Harry Potter 4
  45. Harry Potter 5
  46. Harry Potter 6
  47. Harry Potter 7
  48. Harry Potter 8 (The truth is out there)
  49. STAR WARS
  50. STAR WARTS
  51. STAR TREK
  52. THE LAST STAR FIGHTER
  53. STAR SEARCH
  54. STAR STRIKER
  55. STARMAN
  56. AMERICA’S STARS
  57. American Gladiator
  58. American Idol
  59. American pie
  60. American dream
  61. Americone dream
  62. Stephen Colbert
  63. Ice cream in general
  64. Jon Stewart
  65. 65. Hamsters
  66. Flutes
  67. Fluyts
  68. Sloops
  69. Brigs
  70. Brigantines
  71. Man-o-wars
  72. Ship-o-the-line
  73. Yachts
  74. Paddleboats
  75. Houseboats
  76. Boats
  77. Kayaks
  78. Bicycles
  79. BICYCLES
  80. I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike
  81. I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I liiike
  82. Freddie Mercury
  83. Murder in the night
  84. Murder in the day
  85. Homicide
  86. Suicide
  87. Fratricide
  88. Pesticide
  89. Avicide
  90. Genocide
  91. Hamsters
  92. Gendercide
  93. Khalidicide (look it up)
  94. Linguicide (The killing of a language)
  95. Prolicide
  96. Policide
  97. Patricide
  98. Regicide
  99. Xenocide
  100. Vespacide
  101. Vivicide
  102. Terracide
  103. Senicide
  104. SPERMICIDE
  105. Pseudocide
  106. Microbicide
  107. Mariticide
  108. The list of suffix –cide words on Wikipedia (thank you, Wikipedia)
  109. The fact that Microsoft office 2007 capitalizes Wikipedia automatically
  110. Though that is awesome
  111. Triple digits
  112. Voltron, defender of the universe
  113. The JLA (Justice league of America)
  114. The 501st stormtroopers (a group of public servicemen who do good deeds dressed in stormtrooper armor)
  115. You think I’m kidding, don’t you?
  116. http://www.501st.com/
  117. Endings
  118. Final chapters
  119. Final words
  120. Epitaphs
  121. The End by Lemony Snicket
  122. You thought this was over, didn’t you?
  123. Bacon
  124. Piggies
  125. Darth MAUL
  126. Hamsters
  127. Sausage
  128. Frankfurters
  129. Bratwurst
  130. Liverwurst
  131. Wurstwurst
  132. Wildcats
  133. Housecats
  134. Tabby cats
  135. Black cats
  136. Vats
  137. Mats
  138. Flats
  139. Hamsters
  140. Nachos
  141. School
  142. Mussolini
  143. The wii
  144. My wee
  145. Luke SKYWALKER
  146. And his dick dad
  147. Headphones
  148. Head cheese
  149. The actual ending
  150. PSYCH
  151. This is the REAL ending

    updated: Want more? No one but a mother would, but here: I found this list from three years ago ... a joint effort from boys 1 & 2.

HMD to Me

I'm upstairs waiting for breakfast in bed on this, a High Holy Day. I can hear that brekkies involves something with an egg-beater, so I think it'll be standard Sunday pancakes.

Unfortunately the radio alarm went off at 6:30--about an hour after Mike got up. A guy was telling us all about the scary things those crazy Muslims do. Not just the silly extremists calling themselves Muslim...According to that guy, whoever the hell he was, the whole religion was cock-eyed wacky.

I lay here coming up with strange Christian practices I'd lob back if I could. And then I remembered: I could turn off the radio. Yay! Happy Mother's Day to me.

Mmm I think I smell bacon. Mike's standard pancakes plus bacon sounds pretty damned good, but, speaking of strict religious practices, I wonder if it counts as an Official Mother's Day Breakfast in Bed if the kids don't prepare it.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Nastying of a Nation

Do collection agencies train people to be assholes or does the job attract assholes or does the work turn them into assholes?

If there are more and more bills going to collection, does this mean that the general tone of telephone calls will grow less and less pleasant?

The trouble is that aggressive horrendous assholiness does the trick--at least on people like me, who can actually pay.

I haven't had a more hostile, nasty interaction in years and that was just the first call. The last one, too. The Transworld Services guy hung up on me (he hung up on me!) I called back, found an almost human person, and paid the damned bill.

I can't imagine getting calls like that all the time and functioning as a happy, sane person.


About the obvious question: No, we're not joining friends, neighbors and fellow-countrymen in the slide to an economic abyss . It was just a bill that I ignored because I didn't think it was real. I still don't. But now I'll take it up with Cornerstone Aquatic which naturally, I know, yes, of course, right, I should have done a few months ago.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

my prediction

In a couple-three-four years, a new sub-genre of romance will rise to the top, beating the sales of even the menage and the hot m/m sexx. If I knew what it was, I'd be there, writing it like crazy**. Me and Florence Stonebraker, we go for bulk, Sam.

So that prediction? My crystal ball shows nothing but murk. I only wish I knew. Format? Content? Graphic novels? Who knows? Someone will guess right and she's going to be rich.

Here's what I do know. Whatever that wildly successful sub-genre is, it'll face sneering hordes of romance writers who say it's just not:
1. Romantic enough
2. Heartfelt enough
3. Interesting/heart-thumping/real enough to gain real romance readers, just the fringes.
4. Written in a style that requires true talent/artistry.

Letters to RWR (RWA's magazine) and long angry blog posts will be written on why it's not a real form of romance or even--if we're really lucky--why it's depraved and should be banned in Texas. Passionate, snarky, and probably funny answering letters and blog entries will take up a lot of space. It will be a topic for more than a week and less than two years (on and off).

You heard it here first. Well, not really, since it's something I and others have been yapping about the subject all around the interwebs.

See? Got it yet? It's not about the love; it's about the $$.

_______
**except it turns out that I'm no Sunny and I can't write every sub-genre after all. Damn.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

sbd--florence stonebraker

Doug has one of her covers at his place and it's a beaut....Love Hungry Doctor. Here's another and it appears way tamer than LHD. (I lifted it from vintage sleaze where you can buy it)

I saw Florence and her work at Doug's and thought there she is! The mother of my trade!

This woman wrote more books than most people read in a lifetime and most of her titles were either steam-city--or sold to some disappointed people. Just the titles are titillating: Love Life of a Hollywood Mistress, Bedroom Agent, The Fleshpots, The Whipping Room. And those covers make the standard torso-gleaming, bodice-heaving, hair-rippling Fabio-esque event look tame.

I want to get my hands on a Florence Stonebraker. Mother's day is coming up. Maybe my family will buy me this one.

It's so strange that someone can have written that many books and not show up on any radar I know of. As someone pointed out, a women studies major would have a field day with Florence Stonebraker. What a pseudonym, too. Heh. Where are the Ph.D. theses, womyn? Come on! Get to work.

According to this site, she was born in 1896, started publishing at age 41 and churned/turned out those books regularly for years (under the name of Florenz Branch and Thomas Stone and Florence Stuart and too). One year she managed to produce 11 titles. Maybe she had them all under her bed? From the california writers page:
For thirty years – between Pay for Your Pleasure (Phoenix, 1937) and Predatory Woman (Beacon, 1967) – she cranked out more than 80 novels of unsanctioned sex. Married or single, her characters were tempted by and often surrendered to their lustful desires. Stonebraker had a conventional side, too, and wrote a couple dozen stories of chaste young women finding love. But her forte was the risqué.
I find it disturbing she left so little behind despite all those ground-breaking books. I mean wikipedia's never heard of her!! ??? That's pathetic.

Projecting a little, Summer? No, because I'm not even close to her class. I'm thinking maybe Carol Lynne might be her real heir--or heiress. She can write faster than anyone alive.

We'll find out if Florence is all that and a bag of matinée popcorn. I couldn't bear the suspense and have ordered a cheaper copy of one of her books, Strange Sinner. I'm hoping it'll be totally lascivious without a trace of apology for the woman's libido or (god forbid) a Moral. With a name like Stonebraker, we can only hope in her world if someone has to repent or suffer, it'll be the man. Or men--here're a couple more of her titles: Three Men and a Mistress and Four Men and a Dame. Menage!

Iron Man 2

and yes, if you stay through the credits, there's a glimpse of a tiny scene at the end. Oh, boy waiting for a teaser for a movie that's not made yet. Coming soon.....

How many movies based on comic books will we have in the next year? Seven? Eight? Do movies based on graphic novels count?

But to get to the tiny scene and the glimpse of Samuel Jackson, you wait and way and the credits do go on and on and on. There's 45 minutes of my life I'll never have back, although I wouldn't have seen the name "Cricket Sloat" otherwise. And I wouldn't have had the chance to threaten my kids. (If there's nothing at the end of this, other than the words "the end," you'll owe me)
I like Alan and I like his video but golly, I'm tired of hearing it when I get to my page. Maybe I'll just write a lot of stuff to bounce it off the front page.

Too bad I have nothing to say and actually realize that for a change.

Oh but when did Hartford turn into a version of Seattle? We've got all the rain without the harbor and fun, lively culture.

Speaking of High Culture. we saw Iron Man. Robert D Jr. was as good as everyone's saying, only better. The cheesy over-the-top character is only bearable because he plays it. In fact the guy is FUN because of RDJr. Also Jeff Bridges was totally unrecognizable and fantastic until he had to get all cartooony voiced. Meh.

And why is it the whole "I hate teh violence! I've learned my lesson! no more blasting!" characters have just learned to go blast in a different way? Blast, kill, boom! Only yay, this time.

Gwynneth Paltrow was good and she should get extra kudos for running in those fuck-me-pumps she wore throughout the movie. Yikes, those were tall.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

recognize this one?

This whole Everyone Must Be Eighteen before doing the sexxx or marriage, which is all the rage.... is not true in the historical I'm reading. It includes:
1. a pregnant unmarried 15-year-old (bad girl, not a main character, but the object of pity).
2. a 35 year old and 25 yr old vying for a 16-year-old, one of the main characters . The older guy is the good guy and he wins.

So? Know it? No, it's not Beatrice Small. Go on, guess.