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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Partial Kick Ass Heroine Identification Guide

A partial guide, dammit, not a partial heroine. I'd do a chart, but that involves software and clicking. Plus I'm hiding from my family and time is a-ticking. I got ten minutes for this entry.

Today we'll be talking about two major KAHs Rural and Urban, Paranormal. We've heard that the Paranormal KAH might soon be a vanishing species--their sales are down and that's a pity. We happen to love KAHs which is why we think we can write a guide.

First, a few basic KAH facts. All KAHs must:

1. Kick ass. And not just human ass. Demons, vampires, werewolves, jackel-headed gods, fairies, succubi you name it. Their asses will be handed to them by the KAH

2. Be part of a series. No point in Stand Alone KAHs. It just doesn't happen. If you read a stand alone KAH it's because her numbers didn't work out and the publisher dropped her. The author was ready to do 10 more books. In fact the author probably has already written those books.

3. Demonstrate increasing power. Over the life of the series, the asses she kicks will get bigger, in a manner of speaking. She'll start out kicking human ass and by book six, she'll take on Overlords of the Universe.

4. Be completely taken aback by her increasing power and, chances are, she's going to fight (or mourn) the fact that her Kick Assery Powers are getting bigger and bigger. She might wonder why this has to happen to her.
4a at least once per book wish she was a normal sort of a female.
5. Have men swoon over her. And not in a dreamy way. They will constantly think about sexxxing her. They will grow hard the moment she comes into the room--or into their dreams or wherever she shows up. Guys all over the known and unknown universe want her in the worst way.

6. Have a few women sigh for her too, depending on the publisher.

7. Attract creatures outside her species. Those lust-maddened males and female might not even exist in this world. AND it's important that she'll be especially attractive to those demons, vampires, werewolves, jackel-headed gods, fairies, succubi that she's ass-kicking. They want her at the same time they know they must try to smash her to bits. Good luck, creatures. You are going to end up her love-slaves.

7a and bonus! as extra tough luck for the KAH's boy-girl-demon-friends: at least one lover will end up dead. She will occasionally think about him/her/it and feel deep sorrow. This adds depth to her character--and clears the way for the next lover.
8. Have either a dead or very strange mother--even quirkier than the KAH because the mother has usually damped down the awesome power flowing through her blood. Her father is definitely dead. Usually under mysterious circs. Or he was an unknown factor. In book four, we'll learn he was a god.

Another update:

9. Not know what she's doing (nothing like her has existed before so there is no textbook for her, dammit) so she will fumble along, usually not making plans as she heads into danger, and might have to be rescued by friends, familiars or handsome mysterious males---at least for the first few books. She'll do some rescuing too, of course. Why else be a KAH?

10. Eye colors will change--hers or someone else's. Also glowing will occur.

HOW DO WE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN URBAN AND RURAL KAHs, PARANORMAL?

You'd think it was just a matter of the place they're living, wouldn't you? YOU'D BE WRONG.

She'll have deep lust for a particular sort of object. It is on the check list the author put together for the heroine, something to give the girl a unique personality. A quirk.
IS this object lust for:
Jimmy Choo shoes--she's urban (U)
Muscle cars--she's rural (R)

Some supernatural shapeshifting is involved, doggy style.
Does our KAH or one of her men turn into:
A werewolf--U
A coyote--R
Both--U and R. You'll have to use some other method to ID her.

She will visit strange worlds in her dream states and/or power-gathering times:
Obvious Indian reservation, empty red landscapes--R
Deserted, crumbling cities--U

She has to have a regular profession when she's not kicking ass. Is she:
A car mechanic--R
A police officer--U
A bank manager--who the hell are you kidding? Don't be a weisenheimer.

Uh oh. I've been discovered. I was just going to write about the animals you'd find in her dwelling but I think we know they all have cats. My middle kid informs me that I must go buy the peaches that will go into the sonic screw drivers for tonight's Doctor Who party. BUY THEM NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

* * *

ANOTHER UPDATE: Chances are our heroine's book is in first person. Why is that?

5 comments:

  1. Love this post. My KAHs don't tend to have mothers, but they never lack for interesting backstories, lol.

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  2. Yay! A new-to-me KAH writer. I'll have to look up your heroine.

    I'm a recent addict. For years I scorned KAHs and then Kim Harrison and Patricia Briggs dragged me into their series and I've never looked back.

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  3. Anonymous11:32 AM

    Let's not forget the veil between the worlds between shredded, the hero in the long black leather trenchcoat, the obligatory corset and/or high boots the heroine must wear, the cool yet feisty personality, the spiky hair... bleh. Oh, and the secret government agency. There are so many secret government agencies (and agents) that I'm surprised they aren't piling up in back alleys everywhere.

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  4. anon--
    what about when the heroine wears the leather duster and the hero's in the corset and high heels? That better.

    Ooooooo TIM CURRY.

    ReplyDelete
  5. come up to the lab
    see what's on the slab.

    ReplyDelete