Just Asking

If you were going to reinvent yourself, how would you do it?

This part is important: you're female and no longer young, so you're not in demand sexually. You're invisible to anyone who doesn't know you, and to nearly everyone who does know you. That means any reinvention has to come internally.
If you believe in God, do you ask him to do the heavy lifting?
If you don't, to whom do you appeal?
Would you start with something easy, like chopping off and dying your hair? (This is for your own view of yourself, remember.)
Would you walk away from EVERYTHING or just parts of your life?
How would you decide which bits to leave behind and which to keep?
How discontent do you have to be to take action?
Would you make lists?
Would you ask friends?
What if you don't have friends like that?
Would you read books?
Which books?
How soon would you give up because you're a coward?
Or is it because you're lazy?
Or maybe you're not unhappy enough?
How much like making New Year's resolutions is this activity?

If you were to think of yourself as a lobster, the water you're in will never be comfortable but it probably won't boil. Perhaps when you begin die (of natural causes)--that's when you'll wonder why you stayed in the slick-sided pot.


  1. Sheesh! Just how depressed are you, Kate?
    You can't be invisible if you speak up and do not let yourself be ignored.
    It helps to be blond, though, and not have your hands full of little kids or shopping bags. You can get through life faster without these incumbrances...that word might not be spelled right.
    That big rich wealth of wonderfulness you are should not be hidden too deep, no matter what your age.
    Let is shine!

  2. eh, just taking the standard winter thing a little further (not farther) as if exploring for a character.

    I think I need a night out or something.

  3. I'd like to start by saying that I enjoyed this post because it read so much like a poem.
    I don't know how qualified I am to speak on this but I am going to anyway. I am a young woman. I just turned 29 about a month ago. I know a lot of women my age are starting to talk about how they are starting to get old and they are so upset that they are about to be 30. I have always been a strong believer in the cliche that you are as young as you feel. Now how this relates to your post is, you are speaking as if you are washed up and used goods. I think the first thing you have to do if you want to reinvent yourself, as you put it, is figure out who you are, aside from everyone else. How long have you been identifying yourself as so and so's mom or so and so's wife or so and so's cute girlfriend? How long have you been defining yourself by what other people see you as and how long are you going to keep doing that to yourself? I don't think you need to reinvent yourself, per se... I think you just need to sit down and take some "me" time and figure out who you are and what you want. What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to wake up and do every morning? Do you know what I want to be able to do? (And I do it by the way, on a small scale.) I want to be able to wake up and just go travel. I want to wake up, call the airline, set a ticket for Brazil and leave by the end of the week. Then I want to relax in a Brazilian Cafe and drink authentic South American Coffee while listening to soothing Brazilian music. (Even though I know the cafe will probably be playing American music.) Then I want to go relax on the beach. :D Yeah. That's my idea of a GREAT day. When I am in that mode (in my apartment), I don't think about anything external really. I don't think about how other people see me. I don't think about my age or if I'm good enough for other's fleeting opinions of what's acceptable. I only feel; and I feel Great! :D I think your goal should be living. After all, that's what we're here to do...experience life. If you just take some me time, then all of the stuff like changing your image will come naturally. You will cut your hair/dye your hair/change your body/start a new hobby based on what you truly love. Anyway... that's coming from someone who doesn't really know what it's like to be going through what seems to be a midlife crisis, so I guess, take what you can from it. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

  4. Hiya Lola!
    I love your definitions of success. Sane and reachable--not to mention pleasant.

    My worst year for Angsting and worrying was actually when I hit 29. I think I had made a list of things I wanted to accomplish by then and hadn't hit anything on the list.

    After that, 30 was a piece of cake, 40 not a biggie.. 50 was a bit of a wtf, only because of the time speeding up thing. So the existential angst thing can hit any old time.

  5. Thank you so much for that. I'm actually going through that right now. Just feeling like things aren't working out as smoothly as I had anticipated and... To be honest, a lot of Americans are going through the same thing so that makes it feel better. I have heard that life gets better after the 20's so you validating that is a relief haha :D I wish you the best.

  6. 29 sucked for me too.

    I love you Kate.


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