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Saturday, October 03, 2009

huh

I'm about to go to a writing event, a day long seminar, and I was just forcibly struck with the feeling of why the bother? I'm not going to keep trying to make money at this, why bother with the time and effort of becoming better? Don't I have other things I could do?

I wonder if this feeling will dissipate--BTDT with this discouraging business--or if it will sink in at last. People say that for most life-changing events there's a moment you feel like you hit the wall and you shout to the world enough! For me, these events are non-events. Usually when I stop, it's much more of a whimper than a BAM! thing. I drift away rather than run. So this is probably not significant. I'm probably still going to write/submit/etc but more and more halfassedly. Until I don't. I'm Prufrock and always have been.

There's another thing: a nice guy called me to talk about a letter I wrote for a refugee and basically told me that if I wanted to get some work, I should stop by.

And when he sent me a note, he included business cards. As in someone actually might want to have me rather than me begging and begging and begging. Well, that's a nice feeling.

But I better get my ass in gear because I said I'd go to this event and CORW has paid for it.

I feel like the dog's used breakfast though. Seriously.

4 comments:

  1. Hope the seminar is somewhat fun - sort of like getting back on the horse. At the very least you'll probably with with lots of other writers who have worse stories than yours. Unfortunately, that isn't cheering - sorry! Just letting you know I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs and encouragement, Lady Prufock-NOT.

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  2. MichelleR8:42 AM

    I had no idea you were going through all that. Sorry to hear it.

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  3. Thanks guys! IT was a good seminar. It was good to see writers.

    I go through this sort of meh every six-seven months. Most authors who don't get the increasing sales do.

    I've heard from a number of people that it's a bad idea to tell the world you're not getting the big big sales (I often tell my self that all the time) but, eh, maybe it'll make some other writer feel better about her lack of zooming up the world of writing. That's worth something. Also why not?

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  4. Sweetie, I've sold over 100 books, but some time during the process of EVERY one I tell my sweetie -- in a dramatic Doom R Us voice -- that my career is over and we'll have to sell the house. The first couple times he actually called a realtor. Since then he's learned it's my process.

    Hope you're feeling the good writing vibe soon. These economic times are, admittedly, tough on all writers. Meanwhile, pamper yourself, but unless you're serious about quitting, KEEP WRITING something most every day. Even if it's only a page. Because the longer you don't, the harder it gets.

    huge hugs!

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