I'm about to go to a writing event, a day long seminar, and I was just forcibly struck with the feeling of why the bother? I'm not going to keep trying to make money at this, why bother with the time and effort of becoming better? Don't I have other things I could do?
I wonder if this feeling will dissipate--BTDT with this discouraging business--or if it will sink in at last. People say that for most life-changing events there's a moment you feel like you hit the wall and you shout to the world enough! For me, these events are non-events. Usually when I stop, it's much more of a whimper than a BAM! thing. I drift away rather than run. So this is probably not significant. I'm probably still going to write/submit/etc but more and more halfassedly. Until I don't. I'm Prufrock and always have been.
There's another thing: a nice guy called me to talk about a letter I wrote for a refugee and basically told me that if I wanted to get some work, I should stop by.
And when he sent me a note, he included business cards. As in someone actually might want to have me rather than me begging and begging and begging. Well, that's a nice feeling.
But I better get my ass in gear because I said I'd go to this event and CORW has paid for it.
I feel like the dog's used breakfast though. Seriously.