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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

new internet debate laws

If you're in an internet skirmish, the moment you bring up your opponents' sex life, weight, appearance, or popularity (number of followers)* you've lost the argument and are banned from the internet for at least 24 hours--an internet time out.

If you do this continually--especially if you occupy any position of power--you will be forced to return to middle school as a small fat gay male with no fashion sense**.  You will relive those three years over and over until you get The Point.

If you still haven't figured it out and/or you're tired of the middle school cafeteria food, you can choose to be a Muslim in the deep south. 

If you back away from an argument first, you are granted extra internet bonus points. You may use these to get out of internet time outs early.

If you make up dumb internet rules of behavior, you will be ignored or called names. If you ignore the names and don't sigh about being ignored, you get extra internet bonus points.

For every whine about no one paying attention to you, the ignoring factor will increase an hour.


I'm trying for a mix of carrots and sticks here.
______
* this holds true even if the argument is about your opponent's sex life, weight, appearance or popularity. So you're going to have to be creative, people.

**get it? see point one? that's intentional, ok?

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