Friday, September 27, 2013

PS Give Me My Card NOW.

ME: Hey, I guess you should send that birthday card again. It didn't make it through yet.
email is so unpredictable.
HIM: ho ho ho what am i drawin
a berthday card.
so maybe something with cakes and candles and balloons and maybe a theme
gime something cool
ME: depends on the theme
HIM: well ok
but our ideas of cool are a lil diff
[lots of shit]
ME: I just require a card and you're the man to do it.
lemme practice this now. . ."a card for me? really? you shouldn't have! How nice!"
HIM: ok shutup im makin it

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

birthday greetings to me, I'm one hundred and three

My bank, Kelloggs, Google, a credit card company. It still seems odd that these companies know when I was born and want to remind me They Know.

I turned off the FB notification because I got over 160 birthday greetings, which feels a bit like the scene in Harry Potter when all the Hogwarts acceptance letters show up.

My plan for the day: paying bills and getting a new driver's license and taking another Aleve. Damn back.

I was going to give away books but everyone does that on her birthday. 

Monday, September 23, 2013

That last post was boring. Let's try again

Ever notice the quotes pulled from people's books on Twitter? I have. Almost always, the little bit of the book seems dumb. I follow a bunch of romance writers so the words are usually about a kiss or a moment of high drama. The quotes are supposed to intrigue you enough to hit the link and go buy a book. It hasn't worked for me. Maybe 140 characters (plus link) isn't enough to draw people in? Or that tiny moment isn't affecting all by itself.

Wait, I'm wrong about it not working for me. Here's the one exception: “Lord Maccon was built like a brick outhouse, with opinions twice as unmoving and often equally full of crap.”
Gail Carriger, Blameless

I read that and actually ended up buying the book...and then the series.

Maybe if all the quotes were brought together they'd look better? I'm going to try that--just grab a quote when I see it and add it to the list.

I'd say authors should stick to tweeting taglines.

go away...hey, why are you leaving me alone

Honest to pete, you really can't satisfy some people. I'm about to emerge from the bad mood, I hope. I'm trying to slough it off because it's so tarsome** and if I was someone else--someone other than the person experiencing this mood--I would be ready to drop-kick me to hell. Okay, I am ready to drop-kick myself anyway. Eh, maybe I'll just go for some low-grade mockery.

I don't like crowds. But I feel bad about missing a writers' conference which is . . . full of crowds.

I want to learn more about promotion and other important tools of the trade (see conference). But the more I learn about it, the less I want to do it. 

I don't particularly like surprises. But I'm resentful because I know I'm not getting one on my birthday.

I think birthdays are for little kids and once you hit 25 or so, you really should back off on the whole It's About Me thing. Or maybe it's once you hit 12. Depends on my mood. BUT see the thing immediately above that last sentence.

I want people to call me up and ask me to go out. I hate the phone and rarely answer it.

I think we can and should blame most of my snarling attitude on my back, which hurts. It keeps waking me up and making me take Advils. I don't know if the back is the reason the rest is amplified, but who cares?

Because the rest is rising up from some conflicting emotions that are as trivial as a game of Monopoly. But my life is as trivial as a game Monopoly. And whose fault is that? who is the person who refuses to invest time and energy in more? 

See what we have to put up with?

I whined at other people about the self-pity monster, which is a small force for teeny evil. I am currently housing this creature and wish I could deposit it somewhere else, along with the back pain. Any volunteers? Anyone want to feel resentful and unappreciated? Anyone? I suspect the self-pity monster has small yellow hamster-teeth and beady eyes and bad digestion and a ratty coat that is all wrong for whatever season we're experiencing. It's small and petty and buries everything it owns in shit.

No one offered to adopt my monster. Some friends you are.

**literary allusion. E.F. Benson's Georgie

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I get mail!

I bet you do too.
From my very good friend who is going to lick my balls next time we meet. Adriana, my BFF, my sweet, chatty friend, best of luck finding that special gink, but I'm sticking with my Nigerian banker who at least is respectful enough to address me as Dear Sir/Madam. 

 * * * 

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then
I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to
tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up
about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR
U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3
cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally
can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still
the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even
help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was
soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and
take me out so u better be around bebe...

we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u
better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt
tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im
23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named
BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but
every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all
that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..
I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get
there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent
married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there..

do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar
or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun
and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i
currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out
meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i
did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out
on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat
with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i
figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play
with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO
THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help
once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching i
said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON
STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im
hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each
of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u
can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like
everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY
USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more
than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud
always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me
login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I
really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern
remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably
soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i
really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my
stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in
insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont

wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me
now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there
after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign
to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im
INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out
for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

They Say

They say that Publisher's Weekly reviews don't affect sales. They say that only a few people read Publisher's Weekly. They say having a review in PW makes no difference.

BUT THEY ARE WRONG. Okay maybe they're not wrong about some of it, but that last one: WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

It does have an effect.

I got two crapola reviews this week and I managed to shake them off without the need for chocolate. I say, out loud, in the cafe , "Well. That's what you think. But I have two starred Publisher's Weekly reviews, beyotch. Ha! TWO!"

And then the people gossiping about teaching at the next table get up and move to a table closer to the entrance.

Also let's not forget that 4.5 star Romantic Times review. HA! Sowhatifthepersonapparentlydidn'treadthebook.

Do I seem to be all about the reviews these days? Eh, I don't know what else to be about. I find if I talk too much about what I'm writing, I stall out almost at once.

If I talk about my kids, they get annoyed.

How about what I'm reading? Yeah, that works.

 I'm reading Angelmaker by Nick Harkaway. I like it even though the author is in love with his own voice.  Occasionally he takes me along with him. That long section (that makes no real difference to the story, I think? Maybe it will later?) about the undertaker's creed, I loved that. Creepy, effective, the waiting men test is probably something I'll remember forever. Also I love Edie Banister. I'd vote for more of her and maybe a little less of Joe.

UPDATE: Okay the Waiting-Man-To-Be story is relevant. The whole thing is a huge book that you think is higgledy-piggledy, but is actually ornate and organized. Silly, too. Turns out Harkaway is John Le Carre's son. John would be proud.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


The next Bonnie Dee Summer Devon m/m historical will be out February 18. Want to see the cover? SURE YOU DO.

Take a look.

It fits the book beautifully.

Monday, September 09, 2013

Strange dreams I've had lately

I dreamed I could switch between being white and black. I decided to stay black most of the time because I was getting more hugs from my friends. 

I don't particularly like hugs.

 * * *

I dreamed I was in a huge art exhibit, but no one was calling it art. I walked up to other people wandering around this giant space filled with useless objects and asked them what is it all? Who put this here? What does it mean? They said something about funding and getting paid. But it was most definitely not art. One woman with braids all over her head told me to please shut up.

* * *

I dreamed that I had finished writing a book that was brilliant and sweet and just thinking about its message and the characters made me cry. 

I woke up from that dream and couldn't write that day.

* * *

I dreamed that someone killed my dogs and wore their skins. I called the police and said these people! they're the ones! They had to be the ones who killed my dogs. The police refused to investigate. Everyone's wearing skins these days. How do you know those are your dogs? I was horrified to realize that the police were right. Everyone had furry skins slung over their chests. The sight made me furious, but also a little sad, because, well. Once again, I was not going to be fashionable. Left out of the loop again.

Friday, September 06, 2013


This is what I mean. Connecticut is keeping us parents on our toes with their testing.
CAPT test vs TERROR alert

Thursday, September 05, 2013


I waited and waited for this Sandra Brown book (Low Pressure) and now that I'm a few chapters in, I might switch back to Carl Hiaasen.

Brown is known for her alpha heroes but this guy is mostly a sulky jerk. The chip on his shoulder is almost the sum of his personality.

The heroine is also sort of a blank person, and her motivation for writing a book (called Low Pressure...hey!) screams Plot Device. No, I don't mind the fact that the character is a best-selling author, although it sounds like her book, a novel based on true events (and she didn't have to do research since they were her true events) is a mystery with a mooshy ending. Nope. That's okay--I'm more annoyed by the stereotype of skanky sister who had it coming. And there are some instances of deus ex machina stuff that is getting on my nerves.

My money is on mom, and if I'm right, I might have to give up on Sandra Brown forever. If it gets more clever, I'll forgive and forget and wait for the next one, of course.